


Bad Boy Blues

by Pinkwebby



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Badboy!Anders, Bullying, Co-workers, Custom Hawke, Dirty Talk, Hand Jobs, Hate Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of Suicide, Minor Anders/Karl Thekla, Modern Era, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Post-High School, Semi-Public Sex, Spiteful Sex, Underage Smoking, Unhealthy Relationships, teens to adults
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-06 05:54:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12205182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkwebby/pseuds/Pinkwebby
Summary: Hawke wants to be a normal high schooler after moving to Kirkwall. And then he meets Anders. How is this bad-boy going to change his life?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've had this idea for a while, but I had no motivation to write it after finishing my other series. But, here it is.
> 
> WARNING: I didn't want to tag this, because I don't technically think it's under-age. But Hawke is 17 and Anders is 18 in the first few chapters or more, and they commit a few sexual acts. So, if that bothers you, feel free to pass on this fanfic.
> 
> I will update the tags more as the fanfiction moves on, but I have the basics for this chapter.

### 

Chapter One:

Love is a futile fight. Sometimes giving into it is good, sometimes it doesn’t work out. You learn not to hope for anything more. It’s better that way.

I learned that the hard way when I started high school. I was home schooled for the majority of my life, and I had to practically beg my mother to let me go to high school as a junior.

I never knew what it would be like, who I would meet.

“Why does he get to go but I don’t? I wanna go to school as well!” Bethany fidgeted next to me in the seat, yanking on her seatbelt with an annoyed expression.

“Don’t fuss, Bethany! Garrett is old enough to go to high school now,” Leandra said from the front, giving my little sister a pointed look through the rearview mirror.

I stuck out my tongue at Bethany, earning a huff from her. I then turned my attention towards the high school approaching. It was a huge brick building, like three stories. I was surprised anyone could navigate through the place. I felt a tinge of nervousness as I stared down at my hands in my lap.

“Don’t worry, honey. You’re going to do amazing,” Mom pulled into the high school parking lot, where kids were being dropped off. I swallowed hard and nodded to her, smiling slightly as I gave her a small hug from the passenger seat.

“You have your schedule and your lunch, yes?” Leandra doubled checked with me. 

I showed her what I had, before I opened the door of the car. I was instantly hit with the unfamiliar noises of the parking lot. Cars revving, girls giggling, loud talking, and weird screeching noises. I lowered my head, watching my mom’s old red Impala 98 putter away behind the newer cars of the richer kids.

I hustled towards my homeroom, keeping my eyes focused firmly on where I was going, ignoring any looks I got. The town of Kirkwall was pretty big, but there weren’t many kids. So, every parent and kid in this high school probably knew each other. I also had just moved here with my family, so I was foreign to these teenagers.

Being ignored was definitely better than be whispered about. Though I had never been to a real school, you see those teen movies. The ones where the new kid gets made fun of. So, I was nervous, especially after watching Mean Girls last night.

I climbed up the first set of stairs I found, focusing on the map closely. Since I wasn’t looking up, I guess I was bound to run into someone. With a gasp, I ran straight into someone. I looked up, staring into a pair of amber eyes.

“Watch where you’re going,” He said calmly, moving past me. Girls seemed to stare at him closely as he walked, their eyes glued to his form. He had on dark skinny jeans, and a baggy black shirt. He had extremely long golden locks, like down to his lower back.

Feeling like I was staring way too long, I blushed and kept walking towards my homeroom. My heart was hammering in my chest and my face was hot. What was this feeling?

Flustered, I made it into my classroom. I double checked with the teacher that this was where I was supposed to be, before I sat down in the middle section of desks. Fumbling with my bookbag, I set it down on my desk.

The bell rang, signaling the start of class, and the teacher got up to close the door. Right as he was doing so, a skinny hand grabbed the door knob and forced it open. A familiar face poked through the door, a slight scowl on his features.

“Mr. Frederick, I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to sneak your way into class late,” The teacher furrowed his eyebrows, but let the teen into the classroom. 

“It’s Anders,” He grumbled, shoving his way through the desks and plopping down into a seat in the back. I turned my head slightly to look over my shoulder at him. He was slender and tall, a rare combination in a male. His hair was extremely long, I wasn’t wrong about that. It flowed down his form in straight locks, and it looked silky to the touch.

Apparently, Frederick, or Anders, had felt someone staring at him, because he scanned the room until his honey-colored eyes settled on me. I instantly turned back around, my cheeks lighting aflame once again.

“Well, Anders, since you came in right after the bell rang once again, you get to show the new student around today,” The teacher gave him a satisfied grin, “Please introduce yourself, Garrett.”

I snapped my head up and quickly stood, “Ah, I’m Garrett Hawke. I just moved here from Lothering a couple months ago with my family. I’ve been home-schooled for most of my life.” I finished quickly, sitting down. I could feel the heat in my cheeks once more and I hid my face.

“Lothering? I heard it was destroyed in the Blight,” The teacher said calmly.

“That was a long time ago, sir. Like 100 years ago?”

“Oh yes, I must be getting my history mixed up again,” And then the teacher began to tell everyone about what to do at school. Most already knew because it was their Junior year. I was at a loss though, the information the teacher was feeding me was confusing. The man handed out schedules and the bell rang. 

Anders tried to get out first, practically jumping over desks to escape. But the teacher caught him, bringing him back in. “You’re showing this nice young man around. Right now.”

“Anything’s better than going to class,” Anders spat, turning to look at me.

Straightening up, I followed Anders out the door. He was walking at a brisk pace, but I kept up easily. Apparently, he was trying to ditch me, because he was walking fast enough to win a race.

“What a lovely tour,” I mumbled, to which Anders stopped.

“Look kid. I don’t really want to take you around. I’m meeting with some friends, gonna skip class,” Anders turned to me.

“I’m not a kid! We’re the same age. And besides…” I paused, “I-I wouldn’t mind going with you.”

_Garrett, what are you doing?_

Anders barked out a laugh, smirking, “You? Garrett, sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but you look like the good-two-shoes type of guy. Don’t force yourself to come with me.”

“I’m not! Let me come with you, I’ll do whatever you want.”

_GARRETT, YOU’RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED._

“Well, I suppose I wouldn’t mind having someone so cute along with us. Though I’ll hold you to the ‘whatever you want’,” Anders smirked again, sending my heart all aflutter.

_GARRETT, CURSE YOUR DISGUSTING HEART. This guy is BAD NEWS._

“Ah yeah, okay,” I stuttered, grinning like an idiot.

We stood there for a couple moments, before Anders gave me a look with his eyebrows raised, “Well, let’s go then.”

He started walking off, and I quickly scrambled after him. He was about the same height I was, maybe a little taller. But his legs were definitely longer, so he had longer strides. It was a task to try and keep up with him.

We left the school building and went outback behind the gym. And out there, just sitting in the parking lot were about three people the same age as Anders and I.

“Hey guys, I brought a new kid with me. Garrett this is Isabela, Karl, and Justice,” He pointed at each one in turn.

The girl looked tough, but pretty at the same time. Her skin was a beautiful sepia color, matching her locks quite well. She had wavy dark brown hair and piercing brown eyes. She was wearing a white tank top with jeans and a black leather jacket. Gold rings, a necklace, and big hoops adorned her ears, neck, and fingers. I wondered if they weighed her down.

“Hi sweet thing. Are you the one who was home schooled?” She drawled with a mischievous smile.

“Uh, yeah, I am.”

“And this is your first day?”

I nodded firmly, a blush forming in my cheeks.

“Anders, you rascal you. It’s his first day and you’ve already used your honey words to get him to skip.”

“What can I say, I have a way with my mouth,” He winked.

The other two were guys, one had silver hair with light blue eyes. His skin was fair in color, but his cheeks were rosy for some reason. He looked kind of nervous and kept casting sideways glances at the other guy named Justice.

Justice was a rather tall man. His skin was deep brown, it kind of reminded me of the dark chestnut wood my father used to love in our house in Lothering. His dark brown hair was in dreadlocks, and his eyes were a startling cerulean blue. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something shiny on his ear, but I didn’t look again because he was giving me a cool stare.

“How long are we going to hang out here? I can’t miss my honor’s psychology class,” Karl said in a hushed tone.

“There’s no need to whisper, kitten. No one comes back here except the teachers who smoke. And they won’t rat us out because they know they aren’t supposed to smoke back here,” Isabela explained, leaning against one of the cars.

“And you-“ Karl jabbed his finger towards Anders, who put his hands up in defense with a smirk, “You got this new student to skip one of his first classes. How do you think that’s going to go down for him? Do you think of anyone but yourself?!”

“Um, it’s really alright. I’ve already studied the material for that class,” I spoke up timidly.

Karl furrowed his eyebrows for a moment, but he didn’t speak anymore. He definitely seemed unconvinced.

“Don’t worry about him. Once he finds out more about Anders, he will be prone to not hang around him,” Justice rumbled, his voice was deep and rich.

“Hey, man! That’s not very nice,” Anders pouted, before he pulled out a carton of cigarettes. He pulled one out and offered one to Isabela. Once she took one, he lit his and took a long drag.

“You need to quit smoking, Anders! You’re going to get lung cancer at this rate,” Karl protested, his posture stiff as a board.

“What are you going to do, mom? Cut me off?” Anders’ lips quirked, the butt of the cigarette burning like embers for a moment.

While they bickered, I awkwardly took a step back and looked down at my shoes. Perhaps it was a bad idea to go with Anders. I let my heart and my dick get the better of me. Now I wasn’t sure what to do.

Isabela noticed my look, and she grinned, “Your name’s Garrett, right? Come sit by me, sweetheart.” She hopped onto the trunk of a car and patted it beside her. I hesitantly looked over at Anders, who was conversing with Karl and Justice. I did as she asked and sat on the trunk of the car.

“Don’t worry about them, kitten. Anders isn’t really good with including new kids. Once you get used to us and vice versa, there’ll be no problem,” Isabela explained, lighting her cig as well.

“Uh yeah…” I mumbled, smiling at her weakly.

“Oh, you’re quite cute, you know? You said you were from Lothering, right?”

I nodded and turned my gaze towards her, my cheeks lighting up. She called me cute, and I was positive we had to be the same age. I felt like a freshman with a bunch of seniors in those movies. I slouched forward slightly.

“What are you talking about over there?” Anders called, grinning at them.

“Gossip about you, doll! I got some juicy stories!” Isabela cackled, elbowing me playfully.

Anders looked alarmed for about a second, before his face smoothed back out into the playful look he had. He shot her the bird before saying something quickly to the boys. And then they all joined Isabela and I.

“Garrett, right? I hope we can become friends,” Karl said with a sweet smile.

“Tis unfortunate you had to join our school while Anders roams the halls. Hopefully he isn’t a bad influence,” Justice rumbled, casting a slightly cold look towards him.

I laughed a little, “Don’t worry about me, I don’t get influenced easily.”

“Anders can be very persuasive when he wants something,” Karl warned.

“Hey guys, I can hear you still. I’m literally standing right here,” Anders complained.

“As if you don’t already know your own reputation,” Justice rolled his eyes.

Before Anders could say anything else, the door slammed open behind them. I jumped and quickly scrambled off the car.

“You’re all supposed to be in class!” The familiar sight of the principal filled my eyes. Panic swept through my body.

I turned to my new ‘friends’, which were staring at her too. Anders visible swallowed, but a cocky grin crept onto his face.

“EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF! PANIC!” Anders hollered, sprinting across the parking lot at top speeds. Chaos ensued. Isabela’s hearty laughter could be heard as she ran the other direction. She hopped the fence and stuck out her tongue as she jogged down the sidewalk. Karl squawked and quickly began to search for a place to run. Justice calmly walked up to the principal, and proceeded to walk past her and into the building.

I quickly charged across the parking lot, following Anders’ path. I jumped down the wall and into the grass, running. I could hear yelling behind me, but I didn’t stop to figure out what had happened.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed my wrist, scaring the daylights out of me. A hand went over my mouth and Anders dragged me back into a small alleyway. I ripped his hand off my mouth and gasped for breath, doubling over to catch my breath. I was severely out of shape.

“Did they follow you?” Anders hissed, his eyes darting towards the mouth of the alley. I shook my head, coughing.

“We should probably stay out of sight until the next period,” Anders said with a nod. I straightened up and glared at him.

“Why did you make everyone run? We probably would have gotten into less trouble if we let her catch us,” I hissed accusingly.

Anders undid the ponytail in his hair, letting the long locks flow down his back. He grinned and began to put his hair back up, “Because one of us would have gotten caught anyways. I can’t get in trouble again.”

“So, you were using someone as fodder?!”

Anders finished his hair and pulled out another cigarette, “I was going to use _you_ as fodder, kid.”

“Stop calling me ‘kid’! I’m not a kid,” I growled at him.

He took the cigarette out from in between his lips and walked forward a few paces towards me. I backed up immediately, my back hitting the wall. Anders pressed his palm against the wall next to my face. He was a few inches taller than me, so he looked a bit intimidating at this angle. He was so close I could see his nostrils flaring. My heart was beating loudly, and blush rose in my cheeks.

He blew smoke at me, giving me a smirk, “You are so a kid, your innocence is rolling off of you like an odor. And it smells nice.”

I coughed at the smoke and glared daggers at him, “What are you talking about?”

“You know, sex. Kissing, fucking, having a relationship with a woman or a man. That kind of thing,” Anders listed off a couple things while smoking.

My eyes widened and I looked down quickly, “You don’t know me. I could’ve done a lot of things!”

Anders chuckled and he grabbed a piece of my hair on top of my head. He pulled it back against the wall, forcing me to look up at him. I winced in pain and was about to snap at him when he leaned forward and kissed me on my mouth.

My brain short-circuited and a pleasurable shiver went down my spine. My hand reached forward and grabbed onto his shirt, pulling him into a deeper kiss.

Anders pulled back though, tsk’ing at me, “You’re quite feisty, aren’t you?” He licked his lips, flicking his cigarette down the alley.

My eyes darted in between our lower bodies. He had a visible boner, as did I. Anders caught my gaze and he chuckled again.

“Probably isn’t a promising idea to continue this, Garrett. I wouldn’t want to break you,” Anders had a hint of challenge in his voice, and it rubbed me the wrong way.

“I don’t break easily,” I grunted, pressing my hand to his shoulder and pushing him back to the wall. He put his hands up in mock defense, letting me do as I please. I squatted down, unbuckling his black belt and unbuttoning his pants. I glanced up at him. Anders was staring at me in extinguished lust with a hint of amusement.

“It would be a shame to get your pretty little face dirty, love,” Anders drawled, but he didn’t stop me as pulled down his pants as well as his boxers.

His dick was swollen and hard, and I lost all my breath. I could feel my hot cheeks and embarrassment rose up in my throat suddenly. But unfortunately, my pride was taking over. I didn’t want Anders to be right, I’m not some kid.

“Take your time. Not like we’re on school property,” Anders jested.

I reached my shaking hand up and tentatively wrapped in around his cock. His whole body tensed up as I pumped it a couple times. I have seen enough porn to know how to do some of this. I could never admit I was a virgin to Anders though.

I licked my lips, glancing up at Anders face for any kind of reaction or encouragement. He was watching me intently, his hands splayed on the wall behind him. His thighs were slightly trembling and his cock was leaking.

“You look too excited for this,” I mumbled mostly to myself, before sticking out my tongue and flicking it across the tip.

I moved my hands to Anders’ thighs, wrapping them around his legs securely so I wouldn’t fall. And with a big breath, I took his cock into my mouth. The feeling was strange, it felt like I was doing it wrong. But when I glanced up at him after a moment, I realized that he was actually enjoying it.

“M-move your head a bit faster,” Anders panted out, lacing his fingers through my mahogany brown hair and pulling a little. I did as he said, I could feel the tip touching the back of my throat and it was a bit uncomfortable.

“Ah, I gotta admit, you aren’t half bad at this,” Anders murmured, his eyes piercing mine as I sucked him off.

After a few moments, Anders pulled on my hair a bit more forcefully, so I removed my mouth from him, giving him a look.

“That’s enough for now, love. Wouldn’t want to come in your mouth,” Anders said with a smirk.

“Why don’t you come on my face then?” I shot back with the best seductive voice I could muster.

Anders’ face dropped the smirk as he stared at me, speechless. I grinned at his baffled expression, feeling satisfied he didn’t have that stupid smirk on his face for once.

He regained his composure quickly though, “You’re pretty cheeky kid. I think we’ll save that for _later_.” Anders pulled his boxers and pants back on, buckling his belt.

He fixed his hair, eyeing me on the ground. He let out a slightly irritated sigh and put out his hand towards me, “C’mon, get up off the ground.”

I wiped my hands on my jeans and gladly took his hand, hauling myself up. Anders frowned towards the entrance of the alley, and I stared at him curiously.

“Next period is starting, you should probably go,” Anders told me.

“Oh yeah, right,” I said awkwardly, noticing the air around him. He didn’t seem as light-hearted now.

“Here’s my phone number,” Anders said after a minute, handing me a small torn piece of paper. And then he was gone, walking with purpose towards the school.

I called after him, but he didn’t answer as he strutted into the building. With a confused sigh, I went into the school as well. The principal didn’t bother me for the rest of day, and I was in a warm daze for the whole school day as well. I rode the bus home without a single care in the world. All that I could think about was Anders. I had never done anything like that with a girl nor a guy. I wondered if he had to take care of his erection once he left. My cheeks warmed at the thought and I bit my lip. This was most certainly my first crush, and it was evolving at an increasing rate. 

It was only when I got home that everything hit me. I stumbled into my room, not even speaking to my mother as I plopped face-first into my bed. I literally just gave oral to a guy in an alley. One that I had only met this morning. And the things I said! I buried my head into my pillow, knowing full well how much I actually enjoyed it.

There was a soft knock at my door, “How was your first day at school, honey?”

I splayed my arms out and sighed dreamily, “It was good, thank you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, I just finished this because I had a hankering to get the next chapter done!

### 

Chapter 2:

“You look down, darling. Is something wrong?” Leandra glanced at me from the driver’s seat, pulling into the school parking lot to drop me off.

“No, it’s nothing. I’m fine,” I mumbled, rubbing my arms like I was cold.

“Well, you know you can talk to me about anything. If something’s bothering you; you can speak with me no matter what,” She reached over and smoothed my hair back from my face.

I scrunched up my face, turning my head towards the school. I really didn’t want to go into school again. I can’t face Anders again. My thoughts wandered back to what had happened my second day of school.

_“Anders, hey!” I called the tall blond, smiling brightly._

_He turned his head slightly, eyebrows raised, “What?”_

_I stopped short, noticing his sour expression as he stared at me, “Well, uh, I was wondering if you guys were going to hang out again today.”_

_The girls that were around Anders gave me silent glares, and I felt hot all over. I blushed and looked down, shuffling my feet._

_“Perhaps, depends on who’s asking,” He grinned, licking his lips as the girls giggled around him._

_“Um, well, I just wanted to…maybe join you guys today as well?” I inquired, embarrassment eating me alive._

_“Yeaaaah, I don’t think so. Besides that, even if we were hanging out, I wouldn’t invite you,” Anders sneered, grinning down at me smugly._

_The girls all let out their laughter, and Anders walked away with them. I deflated, tears welling in my eyes._

“Have a great third day at school, honey,” Leandra kissed the top of my head as I grabbed my book bag and got out of her car. It puttered out of the parking lot and I watched it go longingly. It was only the third day, but I already wished to be homeschooled once more.

I shoved my hands in my jean pockets and lugged my way up to my first period. The classroom was lively as usual, no one even noticed me come in and sit down. Everyone had their friends to talk too, but it seemed I was left out of the loop.

Letting out a long sigh, I sat down in the back and pursed my lips to keep myself from crying. I could see Anders in the front for once. His long hair was braided, probably courtesy of all the girls who normally hovered around him. And for some horrible reason, he seemed to notice my gaze out of all the eyes on him. He cocked his head and his honey eyes met mine for a split second. And for that small moment, I almost thought he blushed. But my view was immediately blocked by a body.

I squinted up at the person, who was looking down at me with slightly sympathetic eyes. She looked younger than me, she had fiery orange hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. She had her hands on her hips, giving me a look my mother would approve of.

“You’re the new kid, right?” She asked boldly. I could see braces on her teeth when she spoke.

“Yeah, that’s me. Garrett Hawke,” I let out a sigh.

“I’m Aveline Vallen. I think we should be friends,” She splayed one hand out on my desk, giving me a dead serious look. 

“Are you sure about that? Haven’t you noticed? I’m the laughing stock of this whole class,” I muttered.

“I heard about the scene with Anders. You shouldn’t worry about that punk. He’s always been like that, it would be foolish to make friends with him.”

I tilted my head, looking up at her, “I guess it wouldn’t hurt. To be friends, I mean.”

“We can be allies of sorts. I can watch your back, I’ll be like your bodyguard,” Aveline sat down next to me and outstretched a hand to shake.

Not saying anything, I shook her hand. I let out a genuine smile, “Yeah, allies and friends. I like that.”

I turned my head slightly, and I noticed Anders was staring at me once again. His amber eyes were dark, and it sent a small shiver down my spine. I ducked my head right away, my cheeks becoming rosy.

“Alright class, time to start!”

When class was over, Aveline walked with me to my next class, stating that was her next class as well.

“I hope you did the homework for American history. Mr. June is a hard teacher to please,” Aveline said as we walked. I nodded silently, my eyes darting to look at people who were walking by us.

“I’ll be sitting at lunch with you today as well. Is that alright?”

“Yes, that would be great, actually,” I responded, smiling at her.

She grinned back, her braces letting off a metallic luster from the fluorescent lights in the hallway.

If it wasn’t for Aveline, I don’t know if I would have made it through high school. I will always be grateful that she came up to my desk that day.

Classes were boring, and my mind kept drifting back to Anders’ look in first period. He looked dark and mysterious. I couldn’t decipher why he had that look on his face when he glanced at me.

Finally, it was lunch time. The cafeteria was packed with kids of all ages, taking up the booths and leaving the tables for the more unpopular and younger people. Aveline seemed to have some kind of mutual agreement with some populars in high places, because she snagged a booth for her and me without issue.

“No one should bother us, they usually don't notice me,” Aveline said, taking a sandwich out of a metal lunchbox. I, on the other hand, was eating the slop the school tried to pass for actual food. 

“I think this is chili? I can’t really tell, because it’s so thick,” I took up a spoonful and tried to get it off the spoon, but it was stuck.

“Yeah, mystery meat is usually in the chili. I started bringing my own lunch because apparently one girl got food poisoning from the crap here,” Aveline took a huge bite of her ham and cheese sandwich.

I threw my spoon down onto my tray and nibbled on the pre-packaged apples instead. The only thing I knew for sure wasn’t made by the suspicious lunch ladies here. 

“So how was your first day? I was out for your first couple days, or else I would’ve met up with you sooner,” Aveline questioned.

I shrugged my shoulders, “It was-“

And it happened right at that moment. A girl was walking by casually, a drink poised in her hand without a top. She stumbled, as a guy walked past. He slapped the drink out of her hand, aiming at me or not. Either way, he dumped the contents all over me. It was coffee, hot coffee. It soaked my hair and went down my shirt.

I jumped up instantly, my skin burning and my eyes burning. I swiveled around to look at the girl, who was staring at me in shock. Aveline jumped to her feet, her eyes burning with anger. 

“Whoa, sorry man. It looked like she was about to drop her drink. I was just making sure she didn’t,” The guy said in between fits of laughter.

Aveline stormed passed me, grabbing a fistful of the guy’s collar. “You just messed with the wrong guy.”

“Aveline! Don’t, it’s alright,” I stopped her, shaking out my hair.

“Yeah guard dog, he said sit. Now why don’t you let go of me,” The guy taunted.

Aveline let out an exasperated sigh and released him, but not before kicking him as hard as she could in the shin. He went down, the whole cafeteria going silent. The teachers kept talking, probably trying to avoid the situation.

“Ok Hawke, let’s go get you cleaned up,” Aveline grabbed me by my elbow, leading me towards the bathrooms. But not without giving the man another light kick on the way past.

“Don’t wait for me, I have to get the coffee out of my hair. I’ll meet you next period, ok?” I told her, smiling at her as best I could given the situation.

She looked skeptical but nodded. She went back to our booth, and I went into the bathroom. It was empty, but someone was just coming out of the large stall. I walked up to the mirror, looking at myself in the mirror. My cheeks and neck were stained from the coffee streaming down my face. I looked like a complete mess, my chestnut brown hair sticking to my skin. I looked down and turned on the faucet.

“Garrett, what happened?” Someone approached me, and I snapped my head up to look at the person in the mirror.

Anders was standing there, looking slightly concerned. I pursed my lips, but I just couldn’t keep it together.

I turned to him, tears welling up in my eyes, “Some jerk split coffee on me.” I let the tears slide down my face, and honestly it felt like such a relief. I had been holding in all my feelings for the past couple days, and now it could all come out. What could Anders do, not like my reputation wasn’t already shitty anyways.

Anders stared at me with wide eyes, his hand twitching at his side. “Dammit. Garrett,” He muttered.

“Anders-“

In one swift movement, Anders was up against me, his lips pressed to mine feverishly. Surprise filled my body and I didn’t move for a couple moments. When I finally got my bearings, I pressed my hands to his chest and forcefully pushed him away.

“What are you doing?! Why are you kissing me?” I exclaimed, getting even more upset.

Anders breath was hot against my face as he looked down at me, “I can’t help it, you’re so cute when you cry.”

“But I-“ I blushed, before continuing on, “But I don’t understand, you pushed me away. Why are you acting like this now?”

Anders let out an irritated sigh, “It’s…you know… an act? I have to put on an act when I’m around women. They like Anders, the straight hot bad boy. They would stop liking me if I was Anders, the bisexual hot wannabe. They wouldn't like it if they had to share me with men. Do you get it?” He pressed a couple more kisses to my lips, making my thoughts a bit hazy.

“But…why me? We barely know each other, and you treated me like I couldn’t even be your friend.”

“I don’t know, I just felt…a spark when I met you. I want more, I want to ravish you until you’re begging for more,” Anders murmured into my ear, sending multiple shivers down my spine.

“But we…. can’t be friends or even boyfriends. You and I would have to pretend you hate me even though you want to do bad things to me,” I implored.

“That’s all I can give for now. Just please, I want you so badly right now,” Anders pressed more kisses along my jaw.

I wanted to say no, because I knew that I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. That this was a horrible road to go down, and would only lead to misery. But I couldn’t even open my mouth to get the words out because in reality I wanted him. No matter what.

I reached out and tangled my fingers in his soft golden locks, pulling his lips to mine once again. A barely audible groan escaped Anders’ lips as he dragged his hands down my sides and gripped my hips firmly.

“Let’s go…in the stall, before someone walks in,” Anders said raggedly. I followed his lead into the stall, letting him lock the door behind me before he practically threw me against the cement wall. He crushed me under his body, our lips locking. 

“God, I just… want to fuck you so hard. If I could take you right here in this bathroom, I would,” Anders ground out, letting his mouth roam down my face and neck. I could feel his tongue slide across my neck, leaving goosebumps in its wake. He nipped at my flesh, making me melt in response.

“Mmmm, you taste like coffee. I’m almost glad it was spilt on you, love,” Anders murmured, sliding his hands under my wet t-shirt and lifting it off my head. He tossed it to the floor.

“I wonder what else tastes like coffee,” He dipped his head and swirled his tongue around one of my nipples. I arched my back, my hips bucked involuntarily.

“Still pretty feisty, Garrett. It’s turning me on,” Anders pulled his head back to smirked down at me. My chest was heaving and I felt ecstasy running through me.

Anders wiped his mouth before going in for more kissing. Our tongues met halfway, and I could feel his hands unbuttoning my pants. I feebly reached up, digging my fingernails into his back, scrunching the fabric of his shirt under my fingertips.

Anders grunted in response, finally letting my jeans drop to the floor along with my boxers. He came up for air, before his eyes moved down to my hard cock.

“You’re… gorgeous,” Anders breathed.

“What are you—going to do?” I croaked, my hands trembling, wanting to touch him more.

Anders undid his own jeans, sliding them off along with his underwear. His dick was just as hard as mine, and it took my breath away.

With my cock already leaking, he reached out and pumped my length a couple times. He smeared the pre-cum off the tip and used it as a sort of lubricant. He then took my hand and led it over to his. My hand was shaking something terrible, but I managed to grab his cock through my hazy vision.

“All you have to do is move your hand up and down, like this,” Anders instructed, showing me with my own dick.

I nodded weakly and began to do the same thing to him. His touch was rough, but he jacked me off smoothly. My pumps were a bit weaker, but I kept a firm grip on his length. Apparently, it was enough, because Anders leaned down and put his forehead on my bare shoulder. I could hear him gasping. His hair smelled like lavender, weirdly enough. It was intoxicating.

I moaned, letting my head fall back against the cool cement. I could hear my voice echo off the stone walls, and it was almost embarrassing. But I was too caught up in the moment to do anything. 

“Shhhhh, someone’s coming,” Anders suddenly said, taking his other hand and covering my mouth with it. His other hand kept pumping my cock though, and I could feel a nice, pleasurable numbness began to settle in my hips. I did the same, keeping my hand moving on his dick.

I heard the door open and my breath hitched, my body tensing. My hand stopped momentarily, and Anders noticed. He squeezed my cock, and I almost moaned with pleasure. I began pumping again, not wanting Anders to do that again lest we get caught.

There was a knock on the stall door, and dread filled my body. All they had to do was look through the crack…

But the footsteps retreated into a different stall, that thankfully, wasn’t right next to the one we were in.

“Are you scared to get caught? What if I take my hand off your mouth, are you going to scream in pleasure? Go ahead, moan. I want to hear that beautiful voice of your’s. Do you get off on the thought of someone catching us like this, love?” Anders whispered so low that I almost didn’t catch all of what he said.

I shook my head furiously, bucking my hips into his hand to urge him to go faster. I was panting hard, but I had to keep it quiet because this bathroom seemed to echo everyone noise that I made.

Anders’ hips jerked, and he bit his lip. My thighs began to tremble, I could feel the heat pooling down by my pelvis. _Please leave soon_ , I thought desperately at the person in the stall.

“Are you going to come, Garrett? Because I’m about too. I don’t know if I can hold it in, you’re so damn adorable.”

The toilet flushed, and I prayed to anyone above that the guy was a slob who didn’t wash his hands. And for once, my prayers were answered. Because the door opened and closed. Anders hand was away from my mouth instantly and I let out a horribly desperate moan, closing my eyes. That sent Anders over the edge, because he groaned in response, his hand movements becoming jerky.

I opened my eyes in time to get some come on my face as well as on my chest and stomach. I panted heavily, letting Anders seal my lips with his while furiously jerking me off.

I came, gasping into Anders’ mouth. I gripped his arm tightly, riding my high for all that it’s worth. Once the haze cleared from my eyes, I gazed up at Anders.

He was licking come off his cheek, smirking at me.

“That was quite a show you put on there, Hawke. I haven’t had this much fun in a while,” Anders smoothed back my sticky hair, planting one more lingering kiss on my lips.

“Alright, time to get cleaned up. Here’s some toilet paper, I’ll go run some water to get the coffee out of your hair.”

Anders cleaned himself up and pulled his jeans back on swiftly. I, on the other hand, was still in a bit of shock. I was sleepy and confused.

“Hawke?” Anders entered the stall again, tilting his head as he stared at me. His eyes softened when he saw the look of exhaustion in my eyes.

“Don’t worry, some of my first sexual encounters wore me out as well. Here, hand me the TP,” Anders gently cleaned me up. I stared up at him, noticing how his amber locks fell into his face. And how he pushed them back in exasperation.

“There, now, pull up your pants. I assume you can clean the coffee out of your hair?” Anders questioned gently, running his fingers through my hair.

I nodded weakly, buttoning my jeans back up and sliding my sticky shirt on. Everything smelled like Anders and coffee mixed together. It was a good smell.

“If you notice any burns from the coffee, go to the nurse’s. I’m going to class now. Don’t forget about what I said earlier, love. Don’t approach me first anymore.” Anders looked like he wanted to say something more, but he had seemed to have thought better. He left.

I slumped against the wall, my legs were aching, and I felt like complete Jell-O. But, I needed to get to my next class. It would be bad to skip again. Thoughts of what happened swirled in my head. But every time I really tried to think about it, my confusion became worse.

Anders was putting on an act, because he didn’t want people to think he was gay? He thinks the only reason he’s popular is because he gets all the girls to make googly eyes at him. Even though he has seemingly great friends, he still likes to put on some kind of an act to keep his popularity.

And he doesn’t even want to be seen with me at all, even as friends. And he didn’t explain why he couldn’t be my friend. It was frustrating to say the least. It was also stupid, that was for sure. Even if girls didn’t like him anymore, his friends probably knew he was gay, so he would still have them. 

I quickly finished cleaning up, though my shirt was still sticky and smelled like coffee, my hair was not. I hurried to my next class, trying to shake the thoughts of Anders out of my mind. Whatever was going on with him and I, it wasn’t going to turn out good. That was for sure.


	3. Chapter 3

### 

Chapter 3: 

I dreaded going back to school after what happened with Anders. I felt used, like some kind of toy. I told my mom I wasn’t feeling good, silently begging that she would believe me. Fortunately, she let me stay home for the rest of the week without question. Perhaps she saw how desperate I was.

It seemed always right as the school bus was passing my house, that my phone would buzz. And I always knew who it was. Anders, texting me after school. Not wanting to be seen texting me during school, though he had no problem texting his friends.

His texts were always the same. A bit worried, he asked how I was, where I was. But I didn’t want to answer him. What would I say? Why would it matter? It was almost like talking with a brick wall. And it was hurting me.

Finally, Friday evening, while I was raiding the pantry for food, my phone rang.

I set the peanut butter I was holding down, picking up my phone. I assumed it was my mom, since she was out at a dinner party with her friends. But it definitely wasn’t.

A small breath left my mouth and I stared at the name. It was Anders, he was calling me. I was hesitant, part of me didn’t want to answer, like with the texts. But I did anyways, because apparently, I liked to be hurt.

“You picked up!” Anders said, his voice surprised.

“What do you want?” I questioned, trying to sound cold.

“I’ve been trying to get ahold of you all week. Why can’t you answer a simple text? We were all worried about you, even Justice.”

My heart ached momentarily, and I felt bad. Even if Anders was an asshole, his friends weren’t.

“Well, I’m fine,” I replied curtly.

“That’s good. So, you wanna come to a party then?”

I raised my eyebrows at the sudden invitation, heading into the living room. My siblings were on the floor, playing a board game together.

“I have two siblings to watch, I can’t leave them alone.”

There was a moment of silence, I heard some muffled talking.

“Karl said he would watch them,” Anders suddenly told me.

“Really? That’s awfully nice of him. Are you forcing him to do it?”

“Nah, I was actually forcing him to come to the party. He’s relieved to stay with the kids instead.”

I let out a sigh. I had no excuse though I could make something up.

“Fine, I’ll text you my address,” I grumbled, defeated. I didn’t even put up that much of a fight, but I still felt tired from just talking to him.

I could hear everyone cheer on the other end and I felt a tiny bit better. I hung up and texted him my address. Now, I just had to deal with my brother and sister.

“Are you going somewhere then?” Carver poked his head in, scaring me to death.

“Were you eavesdropping?”

“I don’t know what that means, but mom would be upset if you left us alone,” His lips curled into a broad grin. And I knew he wanted something.

“Alright, what can I do to keep you quiet?”

“Mom’s candy, and a bowl of strawberry ice cream for Bethany,” Carver nodded.

I frowned and sighed, “Fine you can have that. But someone is staying with you while I’m gone. So, I’ll let them get it for you.”

Carver crossed his arms, but he didn’t have time to disagree because the doorbell rang. I hustled over and opened the door. Anders was in front, his arm draped over Karl’s shoulders. Isabela and Justice were in the back talking.

“Hey Garrett,” Anders greeted with a grin.

I let them in, ignoring Anders greeting. I introduced Karl to my twin siblings.

Bethany seemed entranced by Karl, her adoring brown eyes all over his face.

“There’s candy in the pantry and ice cream in the freezer. They both get one,” I instructed Karl, giving him a small smile.

Karl nodded, smiling happily at my brother and sister. “Thank you for letting me stay with them. I hate Free Marches parties.”

“Free Marches?” I questioned. Before I could even get an answer though, two hands were pulling at my arms, dragging me into a hug.

“Hello sweetness. It’s been so long! Guess what-“ Isabela pulled back slightly to give me a cheeky grin, “You’re my date tonight.”

“Date?” I gave Anders a confused look.

“Well, you wouldn’t be able to get in the party unless you’re rolling with Isabela, so sorry,” Anders shrugged, but his demeanor didn’t seem apologetic.

“Let’s go then, before I decide to stay with Karl,” Justice rumbled.

Justice was the driver, being the only one with a license. The party wasn’t that far away from my house, only a ten minute ride. But during that whole time, all I could feel was Anders’ eyes on my face. Only Isabela spoke, but she didn’t require an answer to keep talking.

I could feel the anticipation growing in my stomach, plus the hot blush on my cheeks from Anders staring at me constantly. It felt like he wasn’t even ashamed to just unabashedly watch me.

“Don’t be nervous, kitten. You’re gonna be with me the whole time, and no one messes with my dates,” Isabela said from the front seat as she applied ruby red lipstick.

The house we were heading too was huge, one of the Hightown mansions. I was surprised any Free Marchers lived in this area, but Kirkwall was full of surprises. I was Ferelden after all.

We had to park out of the street, the driveway was already full of cars. I got out and trotted around to stand by Isabela. I could feel the bass from large stereos all the way out here, and I felt even more nervous than I did before. I had never been to an actual high school party. 

“Don’t sweat it, kitten. Just watch where you step, and watch what you drink,” Isabela looped her arm with mine and we all headed inside.

Justice disappeared first, almost literally melting into the swaying sea of bodies that were dancing. The house was jam-packed, I was surprised the floor didn’t fall out from under all the weight. 

Isabela held onto me with an iron grip, so I didn’t really get to stray far. Her first stop was a cooler, where she grabbed a beer and popped the top off on the marble counter. She chugged half of it before leaving it set.

“This is crazy!” I yelled out, my voice pretty much drowned out by the music.

“Yeah. Usually all parties are like this! If you want to hang out with us, you gotta get used to it!” Bela yelled back.

“Can I hang out with you?”

Isabela raised her eyebrows, tilting her head, “Of course, kitten! You seem like a great guy!”

I bit my tongue, my frown deepening. Anders didn’t want me to hang out with them though. So, it was basically just Anders.

“Don’t look so sour, sweetness. Whatever you’re thinking about can wait,” Isabela jabbed me in the ribs, forcing a smile out of me.

The party kind of seemed lonely to me, with everybody so close and not talking. I let Isabela go off on the dance floor, and she seemed to be flirting with what looked like a college kid. I sat down on the couch, where no one else sat. It was almost too lively for my taste. Overwhelming. The sight, the sound, even the smell.

“You just gonna sit around all night? I could’ve left you at home if I would’ve realized that,” A figure stood above me, blocking out the different colored lights.

“Well, what do you expect for someone going to their first party?” I retorted, my voice almost bitter as I squinted up at Anders.

“You should’ve just danced with Isabela. I promise she doesn’t do any dirty dance moves,” Anders sat on the couch’s arm, and he was so close I could feel the warmth from his leg.

“She’s not my type, besides, I’m a horrible dancer,” I told him, my tone short.

“Are you mad at me?” Anders growled under his breath, his hand reaching behind me and cupping the back of my head. He pulled on my hair. I hissed and faced up at him, my eyes narrowed.

“Maybe I am, but what does it matter? We aren’t friends, are we?” I snapped back, my eyes lighting up.

His eyes lit up as well as we stared each other down. His hand was still firmly on the back of my head, forcing me to stare into his eyes. They were hypnotic, even though I hated to admit it. 

“I don’t like your attitude,” Anders stated flatly.

“Do something about it then,” I challenged.

Anders moved his hand to my chin, pinching it between his index finger and thumb. I almost thought he was going to kiss me, but Isabela came sauntering up. Anders immediately let me go and stood up smoothly. He was too damn good at covering things up.

“People downstairs are playing spin the bottle. We’re going down there. I’m getting Justice to play,” Isabela clapped once and grinned devilishly at Anders.

“Justice would never-“

“For thirty bucks he would,” Isabela chirped, taking ahold of my arm and hauling me up with surprising strength.

“You just want to be able to kiss him once,” Anders said from behind us. 

“Maybe so. I mean, have you seen his lips? There fucking gorgeous,” Isabela puckered her lips.

There were only a couple people downstairs, maybe five. They all sat in a circle on the floor, except for Justice. He was standing above them menacingly. I choked back the laughter forming in my throat.

“Scoot over, you got four new people coming in!” Bela announced, practically throwing me on the ground next to everyone. She sat next to me, placing a gentle hand on my thigh. Anders sat across from me, his eyes darting to Isabela’s hand for a moment.

“Is that your date, Izzy? He looks so cute,” One girl said, smiling at me.

Isabela reached over and pinched my cheek, planting a kiss on it, “Yes, isn’t he just adorable? He’s new to our school. His name is Garrett.”

“Let’s get started,” Anders interrupted once Justice had planted himself firmly on the ground.

“I’ll do the spinning!” Isabela called before anyone else could.

The first few people kissed, it wasn’t anything special. It seemed I had a knack for not being landed on, thank the Maker. I got lost in thought, mostly about how my siblings were doing with Karl, and what time my mom was going to be home.

“Oh, Garrett! It landed on you!” Isabela elbowed me, bringing me to attention. My eyes darted to the bottle, which was pointed at me. I swallowed hard and looked at Isabela helplessly.

“Don’t worry, whoever gets to kiss you will be ecstatic,” She spun the bottle once again. I could feel my muscles tensing, secretly hoping that it was Anders. Would he say no? Would he be a wimp and refuse to kiss me over a game?

For a moment, it seemed like it was going to land on Anders, but it slid a bit too far to the right. And Justice was to his right. My eyes widened to dinner plates and bile rose in my throat. Not that I had anything against Justice, but he seemed so stoic and… I was scared of him a tiny bit.

“Fuck! I can’t believe it landed on Justice! This should be me kissing him,” Bela pouted.

“Well Garrett, I think the rules are the rules,” Justice said with a slightly amused tone.

I got up on my knees, swallowing once more. I leaned over the bottle, pressing my palms into Justice’s legs for balance. His eyes were gorgeous up close, a startling cerulean blue. His lips were slightly parted, and he was definitely smiling just a little.

My lips touched his tentatively, and Isabela was totally right. His lips were soft and fit against mine perfectly. It was like kissing a cloud. I took in a deep breath, tilting my head slightly. Justice didn’t seem all that eager, but he placed a hand over mine on his knee. And that’s when things got super serious.

He tilted his head the other way, his other hand moving up to hold the back of my head. Surprised, I tipped forward, almost falling into his lap. Justice deepened the kiss, and a blush started forming in my cheeks. Our tongues met for two seconds before a hand pressed against my chest. Hard.

I was pushed over, landing on my butt in front of Justice. I blinked a couple times, dazed. Anders was glaring daggers at me, his cheeks bright red and his one of his fists clenched. The other was splayed out on his knee like he was one who pushed me.

“Sorry Garrett. I just got a bit carried away. I hope you’ll forgive me,” Justice rumbled, a teasing grin on his features. He didn’t even look fazed.

“Um, yeah,” I mumbled, slinking back over to sit by Isabela.

“Damn, I should’ve pulled out a camera. That was pretty hot,” Bela stated.

People murmured in agreement. I stood up, a headache taking over me. I just wanted to go outside for a minute. I left without saying a word, squeezing through the dancing bodies and heading out to the driveway. There was no one out there, to my surprise. It was almost quiet out there.

I leaned against someone’s car, trying to catch my breath and calm my racing heart. I honestly had no idea what just happened, and I really needed to sort out my thoughts before I went back inside. I knew playing spin the bottle was like that, but did Justice really need to kiss me that way?

And when it was over, he just looked….so indifferent. And Anders, he pushed me away from Justice. What did that mean? He risked being seen doing that, yet he doesn’t want to be my friend. If anyone saw that, they would definitely get the wrong idea no matter what.

I stared up at the stars, my breath like fog from the chill in the air. I just wanted some clarity, something to make things clear and simple. But everywhere I turn, there is just more confusion, more mystery, more secrets and hiding.

I heard footsteps approaching me, so I stood up straight, waiting. Anders appeared from around a car, his hands shoved in his pockets and his jacket hanging on his arm.

“You ready to go?” He asked gruffly.

“Um, yeah- but are we going to leave Isabela and Justice-“

“Yeah, they have people who can take them home. I’m tired and ready to go. Are you coming or not?” Anders hissed.

I blinked at him, sensing the hostility in his posture. I nodded and followed him to the car.

“I thought you said only Justice has a license,” I questioned.

“I have a license, we’ll be alright. I had nothing to drink,” Anders threw his jacket in the backseat and we got in the car. Once we were away from the house, Anders glanced at me.

“Can I stay over at your house tonight?” He finally spoke.

“Do what?”

“Let me stay over tonight,” Anders repeated, but this time more forceful.

Speechless, I gaped at him. He looked totally serious, and I was so confused it hurt.

“Why in Andraste’s bosom do you want to stay over? Aren’t you scared to be anywhere near me like that? What if someone found out?” I hissed.

“I’ll say it was for class if it gets out. I don’t care, right now I just want to be near you, is that so wrong?”

“It is, this has wrong written all over it! First you say I can’t even be near you during school and during outings, but what was that earlier?! You physically _pushed_ me off of Justice!” I exclaimed, crossing my arms.

“Because I couldn’t watch you kiss him, I couldn’t do it. My reflexes got the best of me, I didn’t mean to do that. But I just got so angry, watching you kiss him. And then he has the audacity to do more than a peck! I just-“ Anders trailed off, throwing his hands in the air for a moment.

“That’s called jealousy,” I murmured, turning my head to stare out the window.

The rest of the car ride was silent, either Anders was soaking in what I said, or he didn’t want to say anything. Either way I was done with the conversation, no matter what he wanted to tell me. I just wanted to go home and sleep forever.

My mom wasn’t home when we got there, thankfully. Both Bethany and Carver were already asleep in their room, and Karl was just watching TV.

“Your siblings are very funny and cute. I had a lot of fun with them, I think I tuckered them out,” Karl said sweetly.

“Thanks again for staying with them,” I said with a yawn.

“Where are Justice and Isabela? They weren’t ready to come home?” Karl said jokingly, his eyes sparkling as he talked to Anders.

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask them,” Anders responded tartly.

“You just left them?! Anders!” Karl frowned and looked at me with a curious expression. Perhaps he was wondering what was wrong, but I wasn’t going to say anything.

“Well, if you’re ready to go?” Karl took the keys from Anders, heading towards the door.

“Hello honey, I’m home!” Leandra walked through the door, almost bumping into Karl.

“Oh my, I didn’t know you were having friends over dear! I’m very sorry to intrude,” My mom smiled brightly at them both.

“We were just leaving,” Karl bowed his head politely, motioning to Anders.

“Actually, I’m staying here tonight,” Anders interrupted.

I frowned and glared at him, holding my tongue.

“Oh! Sorry, silly of me to assume-“ Karl paused, his eyebrows furrowing, “Well, I guess I’ll head out then. You’re sure you want to stay?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it,” Anders snapped, coming over to stand by me.

Karl shrunk back slightly, before nodding and hurrying out the door. I snuck a peek at Anders, he seemed extremely tense and I wondered what he was feeling.

“Well then, did you boys have a nice night?” My mom asked.

“Yeah, we’re really tired though, Ms. Hawke. Would you mind if we headed to bed?” Anders said politely.

“Of course! Now you boys don’t be too rowdy, the twins are right next door to Garrett’s room. They’re grouchy when they don’t get enough sleep,” Leandra kissed my forehead, before I retreated to show Anders my room.

“You weren’t very nice to Karl, he’s just looking out for you,” I told Anders, opening the door to my room. It was a simple room. Dark blue walls with a couple posters hanging up. My desk in one corner with books and homework all over it, and a twin sized bed with black sheets on it across the room. My dresser was next to the bed.

“He was bothering me,” Anders stated simply.

Before I could get another word out, Anders had locked the door and pinned me up against the nearest wall.

His lips were on mine, forcing my mouth open. I squirmed against him, gasping for breath as he assaulted me with his lips and tongue.

“I don’t want Justice to kiss you ever again. I don’t care if we’re playing a game, I don’t want anyone to kiss you like I do,” Anders breathed on my lips.

I visible shivered, staring up into his heated amber eyes. 

“We can’t do something like this now, Anders! My siblings are right next door! And-“ He silenced me with another dizzying kiss.

“I’m going to do something I never let anyone do. I’m only doing this because you’re special, ok?” Anders murmured in my ear.

When he pulled back, I stared at him in confusion.

“I’m going to let you fuck me,” Anders stated nonchalantly.

My dick swelled at the thought and I embarrassedly blushed, “Really? I thought you wanted to fuck me?”

“That’s not important right now, what’s important is that I get your cock inside me pretty soon,” Anders growled.

At a loss for words, I stared at him incredulously. 

“Cat got your tongue, love?” Anders teased, his voice husky.

“This isn’t healthy,” I murmured to him, before leaning back into for another kiss.

His hand reached around to cup the back of my neck, his fingers in my hair. Either he didn’t hear what I said or chose to ignore it. But just like him, all I could feel was the passion between us. 

He let me go momentarily, gently taking one of my hands and leading me over to my bed. I followed obediently, watching him shed his shirt and throw it to the floor. 

I nervously fumbled to take off my shirt as well, not as smooth as he was. He probably did this a lot, so he knew what to do. I was just following his lead.

“Don’t be nervous, Garrett. I’ll guide you,” Anders had laid down, outstretching his arms to me. He seemed so different from earlier.

I shimmied out of my pants and crawled on top of Anders. I wasn’t really sure what I should be doing, so I went back to making-out with him. My hands gravitated down to his chest, my fingers tweaking his nipples.

He gasped into my mouth and I instantly pulled back out of worry.

“Your fingers…are cold. It feels amazing,” Anders breathed, his hand reaching up to cradle my face. I leaned into his touch, smiling slightly down at him.

Apparently, Anders didn’t like my pace though, because he flipped us immediately afterwards. Leaving me on bottom, he straddled my hips, rubbing his ass against my erection.

I bit my lip and let my head fall back into my pillows. He smirked down at me, grabbing one of my hands and pressing it against his chest. I could feel his heart racing, and it startled me.

“Touch me where ever you want,” Anders breathed.

My eyes roamed over his body, my hands wavering. I tentatively reached forward and slid my hands up his thighs and over his hips. I let my hands roam over his pale stomach, ghosting over his chest and coming up to rub his cheeks. My thumb ran over his lips, and his tongue flicked out to lick it.

“Are you ready?” Anders murmured, leaning down and kissing me once again. His hands were taking off his pants off. “Move your hips up, love,” He whispered against my lips. I did what he said, letting him slide my boxers off.

We were both naked now; his cock was leaking, and I wanted very badly to touch it. But Anders had other plans. He grabbed my cock from behind him, pumping it a couple times. I had to stifle my moans, pressing the back of my hand to my lips.

“I’m going to put it in,” Anders whispered, licking his lips ravenously.

“Wait, don’t you have to-“ I tried to stop him, but he had already started slowly inching himself down on me.

His head tilted back, and he looked like he was in pain. I reached up to grab his hand instinctively. He squeezed it tightly, his body relaxing.

I have watched enough porn to know that you needed to stretch out your partner before penetrating. I wondered how painful it was for him, and why he couldn’t just wait a couple moments before jumping in head-first.

He was halfway down when he let out an irritated noise in the back of his throat and sunk the rest of the way down. I let out a moan, already loving the feeling of being inside him.

“It’s in. Holy fuck it’s in,” Anders gasped out, opening his eyes to stare down at me. Stray tears streamed down his face and I was quick to reach up and wipe them away with my thumb.

“I’m going to move now,” He braced himself on my chest, using a slow pace to start out with. His hips moved in a very experienced way, it was hypnotic. I had never experienced sex before, but I knew why people were so obsessed with it. It was like a drug, so intoxicating. Every nerve of mine was hyperaware, and my thighs were quivering each time Anders took every inch of me in.

“H-how does it feel? Do I feel good when you put your cock inside me?” Anders growled out, digging his nails into my chest.

“It feels so good. You feel so good, I love being inside you,” I gasped back, my vision growing fuzzy momentarily.

Anders leaned down and kissed me again, trailing kisses down to my neck. I reached up and tangled my fingers into his soft, golden locks. When he tried to pull back, I followed him. I ended up in a sitting position, kissing down his neck. He wrapped his arms around me and dug his nails into my back. He scratched down my shoulder blades, his chin on my shoulder as he moaned.

I could feel the stinging of the scratches, but it was nothing compared to the ecstasy I was feeling build up in my lower region. I reached his throat and I nipped at his flesh, sucking on his skin. He moaned my name into my ear, and my hips moved instinctively to meet his.

Anders pulled back slightly, looking at me with his dark amber eyes. I blinked owlishly at him.

“You’re mine now, Garrett Hawke,” He growled, kissing me with a furious passion that left me feeling dizzy.

“Yes, yes. I’m yours. Take me,” I panted back.

I could feel the warmth pooling in me, which spurred me on to thrust further into Anders. He cried out, muffling it by pressing his mouth to my shoulder. 

“I’m going to-“ Anders let out another strangled cry, and I felt something warm hit my stomach and chest.

My breath became erratic and I couldn’t hold on. I came, letting the waves of ecstasy roll over me. I moaned out Anders name, trying to remain as quiet as possible.

Anders was the first to move, bringing me to attention. He removed himself from me, standing up on wobbly legs. He almost collapsed onto the floor, which alarmed me.

“Do you have a bathroom I can clean up in?” He looked over his shoulder at me.

I nodded and silently pointed at the door by my dresser. He nodded back and disappeared into the bathroom. I heard water running, so I laid back down to catch my breath. That was… probably one of the best moments of my life. I could still feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins, even though I was bone tired.

The bathroom door opened, shining light right onto my face. I shielded my eyes for a moment, staring at Anders in the doorway. He looked godly in the light, in all his naked glory. I just wanted to touch him again.

He shut off the light, coming over to stand by the bed.

“Here, clean yourself up, love,” He urged gently, handing me some toilet paper. I looked down and realized I did indeed have Anders’ come all over my torso. I sheepishly wiped it off and threw the tissue away.

Anders sat down on the edge of the bed, picking up his pants and fishing a rubberband out of his pocket. He tied up his long hair, though it still went all the way down his back and lightly touched my bed.

“So?” Anders turned his head slightly to look at me. His legs were crossed, and he was messing with his ponytail.

“So?” I repeated.

“How did you like it?” Anders questioned.

I watched him, my eyes roaming over his body. I didn’t know how I felt about the experience, or what lead up to it. But the feeling, it was…inexpiable.

“No words can describe it,” I replied, letting out a yawn.

“Would you want to do it again? With me?” He mumbled, eyeing me.

I raised my eyebrows, laughter bubbling up in my throat. I swallowed it quickly and nodded, “I would like that very much, yes.”

He let out a sigh, visibly relaxing at my words. He laid down next to me, rolling over to face me. There wasn’t much room on the bed, so we were extremely close. He didn’t make a move to touch me, his golden eyes were just trained on me. He gave me a quick peck on the lips, before rolling over to face away. I curled up behind him, closing my eyes. Sleep came to me immediately.

I was awoken by shuffling a while later. I blinked a couple time, Anders form coming into view. He was dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed. It was still pitch-black outside, maybe a few hours passed. I reached out and pet his thigh. He jumped, looking back at me with a startled expression. 

“Where are you going?” I asked sleepily.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right back,” Anders murmured, leaning down and kissing my forehead. He stood up, picking up his bag and leaving. I watched the door for a moment, before I fell back asleep.

Next time I woke up, it was early afternoon. I reached out, but my hand came up with nothing. The bed was cold next to me. I sat up, confused. Where did Anders go?

I quickly got up and got dressed. My back was sore, and I went into the bathroom to check it. Puckering scratches were on my shoulder blades, dried blood was on some of the scratches. I carefully put on a shirt over them.

I went downstairs, heading into the kitchen. Leandra was looking at a piece of paper, and when she noticed me, she smiled.

“Good morning, Garrett. How was your sleep?”

“Fine. Did you, uh, see Anders this morning?”

“Oh, is that your friend’s name? No, I haven’t seen him all morning. Did he leave while you were asleep?”

“He must have,” I said, deflating.

I thought it was a dream last night, seeing Anders leave in the middle of the night. But I guess it was real. I frowned and sighed.

“Everything alright, darling?” Leandra came over and rubbed my back.

“No mom, not really.”


	4. Anders' POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little peek into Anders' thoughts.

### 

Chapter 3.5:

### Anders Point of View

I didn’t fall asleep after Garrett closed his eyes. How could I? I had gotten exactly what I wanted out of him. He was just another toy I was getting to play with. I’ve got him twisted around my little finger. Even if he was suspicious of how the relationship was playing out.

‘ _This isn’t healthy_ ’. I chuckled at those words now, smiling despite the situation. My eyes watched Garrett’s sleeping face, listening to his deep breathing. It was soothing, somehow. He looked extremely peaceful in this position. I caught myself, shaking my head furiously. I sat up carefully, as to not wake him.

I wandered around his room, being nosy and looking at his things. The papers on his desk was mostly homework and graded papers. He was very smart, he was going places, that was for sure. I bitterly stared at the certificates on Garrett’s wall. 

There were a couple pictures on his dresser, most of them were of him and his family. They looked happy, and I felt a pang of jealousy. That’s when I noticed one frame turned down. I curiously picked it up. The glass was cracked, like someone slammed the picture down hard. I ran my fingertips over the two faces in the pictures. It was Garrett, and an older man. Garrett looked similar to the man, so I assumed it was his father. 

“A bad past?” I mumbled to myself, setting the picture back down.

I heard Garrett shift in the bed, rolling over. I turned my head, staring at his form. He looked gorgeous, asleep in the bed. The sheet just covering his lower body. It felt like I belonged here, just for a moment.

I went over to my shedded clothes, slipping into my pants and pulling my phone out of my pocket. I dialed Justice’s number.

He picked up on the second ring.

“What is it?” He asked.

“Can you come pick me up?” I replied simply.

“You’re at Garrett’s house, I assume?” Justice rumbled.

“Yeah,” I whispered, and then hung up. I gently sat down on the edge of the bed, picking up my shirt and rubbing it between my fingers.

Part of me didn’t want to leave, and part of me wanted to give up this act I was putting on. I put my hand against my face, squeezing my eyes shut. Could I have a happy life with someone like Garrett? Someone who deserved more than someone like me. If I just let go of all my worries, everything that frightened me about myself, could I be happy? Could Garrett make me happy?

I’ve only known him for a week, but every move he made has had me on my toes. And I crave to have him, to be near him. And I shouldn’t feel this way, I shouldn’t. Doubt ate away at me, leaving nothing behind in its wake. Garrett didn’t deserve what I want to put him through. He was right, this isn’t healthy. I curled in on myself.

I only felt like that for a moment. I calmed myself down, rolling my eyes and shaking my head. Garrett was just a kid, if he thought the world was all rainbows and nice people, then I am just teaching him a lesson. There are no feelings involved. I smirked and stretched out my back. At least he had a nice place I could keep coming too. I didn’t deserve someone like Garrett, so it was best I just used him until he figures that out.

My eyes wandered back to Garrett’s face, and I cursed myself for it. I turned away from him when I heard my phone chirp. I looked down at it, nodding. Justice was here. And I was ready to leave. Sitting around here too long would be bad for me.

I was about to get up, when a gentle hand touched my thigh. Startled, I abruptly looked over at Garrett. He was staring at me with half-lidded cerulean eyes.

“Where are you going?” He let out a small yawn.

I bit my lip, reaching out and cupping his cheek. He leaned into my touch. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right back.” I murmured. Without thinking, I leaned down and kissed his forehead. 

I stiffened up, standing and grabbing my thing hastily. I didn’t look back as I exited his room and climbed down the stairs as quiet as I could.

The lights were on in the kitchen, and his mother was sitting in the kitchen, sipping at some coffee. She noticed me immediately.

“Leaving already?” She questioned with a small smile.

“Uh…yeah. Don’t tell Garrett you saw me leave; it’s better this way,” I replied, walking past her with a fast pace.

“Yes, maybe it is,” She said as I was going out the door. I closed it silently, swallowing hard. I knew mothers had a sixth sense, but that was nerve wracking.

Justice’s car was waiting in the driveway, and I was so glad I was home free. Justice was leaning against the passenger seat door. I raised my eyebrows as I approached. He was smoking a cigarette, but he opened his eyes when I came up to him.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Anders,” He growled, flicking his cigarette away from him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said coolly, throwing my thing into the open car window.

Justice grabbed my shirt collar, throwing me against the car with his amazing strength. I put my hands up reflexively. I let out a smirk, “Well, you caught me.”

“This isn’t funny, Anders. You are screwing around with too many people. Someone is going to get hurt and you know it,” Justice used a faint voice as he spoke.

I raised my eyebrows again, chuckling, “You’re taking this too serious. Why do you even care about what happens to Hawke?”

“He can handle himself just fine, I’m worried about-“ 

The car door on the other side opened up, and Karl came around the car. Justice immediately let me go, dusting off his hands like he touched something foul.

“What’s going on? I must’ve fell asleep in the car,” Karl rubbed his eyes. He brightened up when he saw me. He tilted his head when he read the atmosphere, “Did something happen?”

Justice didn’t say anything, pushing past me to go around to the driver’s side. Karl gave me a curious look, but I only shrugged.

“C’mon babe, you can stay at my place for the night,” I reached out and wrapped my arm around Karl’s shoulder, pressing my lips to his. He eagerly accepted the kiss, nodding happily.

“I like that idea. I missed you while you were gone.”

“I missed you too. Now let’s go,” I let him go and got in the car.

What I didn’t notice was the upset look Karl was giving me once my head was turned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying so far. I know that this stuff looks bad, and trust me this is. What is happening between Anders and Garrett is unhealthy. And I hope no one has to go through this in their real life.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There are mentions of suicide in this chapter. If that bothers you, then please skip this chapter. Tags have been updated accordingly.
> 
> And a big THANK YOU to DrunkenWhalers for beta'ing this chapter! You are super sweet and I enjoyed speaking with you about this chapter.

### 

Chapter 4:

I went back to school after that weekend, ignoring my mother who wanted to know what was bothering me. She wouldn’t understand, and I would most likely get in trouble.

Aveline was relieved when she saw me, she thought I had quit school on account of the bullying. She swore to protect me. I laughed her off, saying that I knew she could do it, and I wasn’t going anywhere.

On the other end of the spectrum, Anders used me as a booty call pretty much. Anytime he wanted to fuck, he would come over under the pretense we were studying. It happened at least once a week. And every time I didn’t protest, didn’t stop him from coming over. Maybe it was because I was addicted to having sex with Anders. Maybe…I was addicted to Anders.

The way he touched me, his confidence, the way he smelled. His long hair, so soft in between my fingers. Sometimes he would look at me with such soft golden eyes, it was shocking. It was as almost if he was staring into my soul.

I spent months of my school life with Anders. He resented me hanging out with him and his friends, but I had Isabela convince him to let me. Skipping was part of my regular agenda, and I felt like I was failing my classes. But I couldn’t stop. I was getting to know Anders better, learned his quirks, why he was the way he was. I spent time with Karl and Isabela as well. They were good people. Karl studied with me, Isabela taught me how to make a fake ID and smoke a cigarette. I loved my friends. Maybe I even loved Anders. But I couldn’t live like this.

“Why do you like to do this? To me? To yourself?” I asked him after all these months of doing this with him.

Anders was standing naked in my bathroom, brushing his hair with my brush. He glanced at me through the mirror, his gaze questioning.

“Are you asking why I like to have sex with you, love?”

“Why you’re using me, like some kind of doll that you can use anytime. Do you think I enjoy that, Anders?”

“I would think you enjoy it, you wouldn’t be moaning my name as much as you do if you didn’t,” Anders chuckled and walked over to me.

I scowled at him. Anders squatted down in front of me, placing his hands on my bare thighs and spreading my legs out to sit in between them. I stared down at him, shocked. He put his chin on my leg, looking up at me with glittering eyes.

“You shouldn’t feel that way. I really do like you, Garrett. If things were different-“

“Which they will never be,” I interrupted bitterly.

“Sh. Let me finish. If things were different, I would want to have you on my arm everyday, I would cherish you everywhere we went,” Anders reached up and held my face with his hands.

I set my jaw, glaring at him. Anders either didn’t notice the look or completely ignored me because he stood up slightly and pecked my lips.

“But the world isn’t like that. People are judgmental. And honestly, I’m only protecting you,” Anders stood all the way up, looking down at me.

I swallowed hard and stood up, grabbing his shoulders and turning him around. He instantly gave me a surprised look.

“N-no, that’s the last straw. I’m not going to stand around and let you lie to me, and to yourself. You don’t care about me, about protecting me. All you care about is yourself, and that’s a fact,” I hissed at him.

“How do you know what I want? What I want to protect? You aren’t me!” Anders snapped back, crossing his arms over his bare chest, “I’ve done so much to keep us a secret, to protect you from bullies and prying eyes. Do you have any idea how much I’m willing to sacrifice just to be here?”

I tried to take a step back, but my legs hit the edge of the bed. I swallowed hard, but kept my gaze steady.

“You’re doing this for yourself, not for me! I was fine before this little arrangement. I may have had bullies, but I can handle myself. You just don’t care, and I don’t want to be apart of it anymore. I just want my life back. I don’t want to live in secret anymore, trying to protect your own ego!”

“Then?”

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” I replied, swallowing hard.

Anders frowned, opening his mouth, but shutting it quickly. He nodded, picking up his clothes. He put them on really quick, turning to me.

“I’m sorry…for using you,” He reached out towards me, but retracted his hand as soon as it was out. He swiveled on his heels and went out my door.

I collapsed onto my bed, running my fingers through my hair. I did it, I told him how I felt. It felt like I just battled a huge boss. But why did I feel so empty?

Through the next couple days in school, Anders seemed to generally avoid me like he usually did. It was relieving, though I knew he wouldn’t bother me anyways. Wouldn’t want to jeopardize his reputation.

“Is that a hickey?” Aveline suddenly said while we were sitting.

I jumped, glancing over at her. She was scowling at me, pointing at my neck. I pressed my hand to the side of my neck, blushing heavily.

“I don’t know, does it look like a hickey?” I self-consciously patted at my neck.

I heard some snickering in front of me. Aveline grabbed a mirror from her purse and showed it to me. A red purplish mark on my neck. I looked away immediately, laughing nervously.

“Is that why you haven’t been to school?” Aveline questioned, raising her eyebrows.

“Wha- Aveline, no! I must’ve hit it against something while I slept,” I mumbled the pathetic excuse, looking down.

The laugh I heard earlier rang out again. I turned my head sharply and saw Anders sitting in front of us. A couple girls were sitting on his desk, but they were giving him confused looks as he chuckled. I tensed up and glared at the back of his head.

“Something wrong, Hawke? You’re going to break the desk gripping it that tight,” Aveline took ahold of my hand and smoothed it out.

“Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about something,” I replied, shaking my head.

She gave a concerned look, but I just ignored her. I didn’t really want to explain to her what was going on, nor did I feel like outing Anders. I wasn’t hell-bent on blackmail, I honestly didn’t even want to hurt him. I just felt upset and used, why couldn’t he see that?

When the bell rang, I took a moment to get up, taking my sweet time. I had been skipping classes before with Anders and his friends. I had grown close to Isabela and Karl, to Anders dismay. I almost wanted to skip with them, but I knew I shouldn’t.

Aveline noticed my hesitance, and she tilted her head, “Is something bothering you, Hawke? You know you can tell me anything.”

I nodded, smiling up at her, “Yeah, something is wrong, I just-“

“Garrett,” A familiar voice said.

I squinted up at Anders, who was standing in front of my desk with his hands on his hips. Aveline instantly got between him and I, her posture threatening.

“Why are you bothering him, Anders?” She growled, her fists clenched.

“Down, dog. I just want to speak with him,” Anders spat back.

Aveline glanced at me for confirmation that this was okay. I quickly nodded, standing. Anders grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. I grabbed my things as well and followed him out of the classroom. As soon as Aveline was out of view, Anders grabbed onto my hand and started running. I stumbled a little, but I kept up behind him.

“What are you doing?! Anders, stop!” I tried to yank my hand away, but god he was so strong.

“Just shut up!” Anders snarled from in front of me. I opened my lips, before snapping them shut. What was wrong with him? Was he trying to get us in trouble, he was going to be seen with me!

He hurled out into the teacher’s parking lot, taking a sharp left and yanking me forward. I went tumbling into a van, and it knocked the breath out of me. I turned around sharply, glaring at him.

He pressed both of his hands against the cool metal, blocking my escape. He had cornered me, and I was helpless once again.

“What do you want?” I whimpered, my heart racing at how close we were.

“I’ve done some thinking…and I want you back. I feel something with you, and I don’t want to let it go,” Anders murmured.

I gaped at him, “This is what you dragged me out of class for? I don’t understand, are things going to change? At all?”

He pursed his lips, “Garrett…I can’t. We would still have to stay a secret, at least for now. I just can’t risk it.”

“Then what’s the point?! You just want me for a fuckbuddy. Nothing more.”

“Garrett, no. Listen to me, please listen to me,” Anders cupped my face, his hands warm against my skin. “I want so much more. I do. I think I’m falling in love with you, and I want to be with you. I want to take you out and I want to make love to you, not just fuck you. I thought getting serious with someone was stupid, but now I can see I was wrong. I want to be serious with you. I just can’t…. risk what would happen to me or you if someone found out. So, if you can just wait. Wait till we graduate. Then, if you still want me, then we can be public. And I will never let you go.”

I softened under his touch, tears blurring my vision. After a moment, I responded, “You really thought hard about this, didn’t you? I’m a little suspicious, but you’re changing, Anders. That’s so good.”

Anders laughed, pecking the tip of my nose, “Yeah, I guess it is good. Maybe.”

I leaned in for a kiss, reaching my hands around to grab his ass. He chuckled, “Eager, are we?” He went the rest of the way and kissed me fiercely. Anders tangled his fingers in my hair.

“This doesn’t mean you’re off the hook,” I murmured in between his lips.

“Maybe I can show you my gratitude later tonight then?” He replied seductively, letting out a grin.

It was only a moment, just one moment I wished never happened. Even thinking about it now makes me upset.

“Anders?” A tentative voice called.

Anders went rigid, the hands in my hair freezing up. I tensed up as well, my mouth going dry. Who found us, was it a student?

Anders turned around, blocking my vision of the person.

“Hey, I can explain-“

“N-no! I don’t want to hear it! I knew something was happening, but I chose to ignore it like an idiot! Justice was right, I should’ve never gotten involved with you!” Came a familiar scream.

I pushed Anders away from me, trying to get a good look at the person. I saw a flash of grey hair, and a lump formed in my throat.

“Karl, wait!” Anders called, running after him.

Stunned, I watched in silence as Anders disappeared through the door. Karl had found us, but the way he talked about Anders. Was he-?

Tears dotted my vision and I touched my face with my fingers. I was crying. What was happening? Was I really only a side-piece while Anders was dating Karl? A sob threatened to overflow from my throat, and all I wanted to do was go home.

So, I did. I called my mom and had her come pick me up. She didn’t ask any questions, though I could see her curious glance every time I stole a look at her. My eyes were probably puffy and red, but I refused to answer her questions. What could I say?

I went upstairs into my room, slamming my door shut and getting into bed. I covered myself up with my duvet and laid there for a while. I had been messing around with Anders for five months now. But it felt like I didn’t know anything about him. He smoked, sometimes he drank. He loved attention. He oozed confidence, but definitely had a soft side to him. But the one thing I never thought was that he was a cheater.

And I wasn’t even thinking about myself, I was thinking about Karl. I was the person who came in and ruined a relationship between them. Even if Karl dealt with the same thing I did, he still was there first. And Anders led me on, he told me he wanted to date me after high school. But was that even real, or was he just indulging my fantasies, so he could keep me in my place? Did he know too much about me? Was I just too innocent, too naïve?

I stayed in bed for a while. I could hear thunder boom overhead, and lightning struck, illuminating my room in white for a second. A storm was brewing, and I was right in the middle of it.

“Darling? Someone is at the door for you,” Leandra knocked on my door softly.

I threw my blanket off, knowing exactly who it was. And I had something to say to him, that was for sure. I stomped down the stairs, heading straight for the front door. I grabbed the doorknob and swung it open with all my might. Anders was standing there, soaking wet from the sheets of rain pouring down. His arms were crossed, and he jumped when the door opened suddenly.

“Can we talk?” Anders asked, his eyes despondent.

“That should be my line; hurry up and come in,” I replied tartly, opening the door wider.

Anders shuffled in, and I led him up to my room. I didn’t want my mom to hear what we were talking about. I was angry, and it was boiling over at this point.

Once we were in my room, I stood in front of Anders, clenching my jaw and glaring at him with a pissed off expression. He stared back with a cool expression, and it pissed me off even more.

I raised my hand without thinking and slapped him hard. His hand snapped to the side, a red mark appearing on his cheek almost instantly. I squeezed my eyes shut and shuddered.

“So, what was all that you said to me today? Was it a fucking lie, Anders? I know you like toying around with me. So, was this just another thing to hold over me? Use the naïve homeschooled hick, he doesn’t know any better!”

“Garrett, that isn’t what I wanted!” Anders said back.

“Then what were you trying to do, then?! Help me understand, in simple terms. What made you think that dating two men was a good idea? You can’t even handle the thought of dating one man, so why both of us?! And Karl? Nevermind that you fucking used me, what about him?”

“I was planning on breaking it off with Karl after I spoke with you,” Anders murmured, scratching the back of his head.

“That’s bullshit, and we both know it. I can see it in your fucking eyes, Anders. You were going to keep this going as long as you could, weren’t you? _Weren’t you?!_ ” I grabbed his collar, forcing him to look at me.

Anders didn’t respond, so I let him go, wiping my damp hands on my pants. I shook my head with a disgusted look.

“You’re a bad person, Anders. You lie, and you take, and you never give anything back. You spout a bunch of shit, and I actually-“ I swallowed hard, tearing up, “And I actually fucking _believed_ you! How could I be so stupid?! You don’t deserve Karl, and you certainly don’t deserve me.” I poked him roughly in the chest.

Anders didn’t speak, his face was empty, void of emotion. It’s like what I said was going in one ear and out the other.

“Get out,” I told him, raising my voice, “ _GET OUT_.” I pushed him fiercely. “Get the FUCK out of my house. And don’t come back. EVER.”

Anders didn’t even look back at me, he just left. When I heard the door shut downstairs, I fell back into my bed. I choked on my tears, sobs racking my body. I hated him, I hated Anders. He was a horrible person. I was right. Everything I said, I was right. I was denying it, and I was ready to keep the charade going. Why was I so stupid?!

And then Karl! He was my friend, and I felt like I betrayed him. Anders cheated on him, for me. A dog from Ferelden. I needed to apologize to Karl, to do something. Even though nothing was really my fault, I still felt at fault.

I texted him, telling him if he wanted to speak on the phone, that I could. He instantly called me, which surprised me.

“Hey Karl, can we talk really quick?”

“Yeah, that’s why I called, Garrett,” His voice was scratchy, like he was screaming or crying. My heart ached.

“I feel like I should apologize for what happened. I had no idea that you and Anders were together. Had I known, I wouldn’t have agreed to start a relationship with him. I ruined your relationship,” I said miserably.

“Garrett, it’s not your fault. I’ve known Anders for longer, so I knew the risks. I just…didn’t think it would hurt this much,” Karl whispered the last part, and I could hear his shuddering breath.

“Are you ok? Do you want me to come over? I just feel so bad, Karl.”

“No, no. I’m alright. I just, I need to sleep. I’ll see you at school tomorrow, ok?” Karl said, his voice trembling. He hung up before I could respond, leaving me extremely worried.

Karl texted me immediately and said he was just tired, he promised to help me study tomorrow for our test. I tried to push my worries away, letting a sigh escape my lips.

I texted him again, saying if he needed anything, to call me. He didn’t respond.

I fell asleep next to my phone. It was probably the exhaustion nipping me in the bud.

When I woke up from my alarm in the morning, I checked my phone lazily in bed. There was a call from Karl, but he left no voicemail. I took a long breath, calling him back. He was usually awake, heading to school. It rang…and kept ringing, until I was sent to voicemail.

“Hey, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You might’ve buttdialed me last night, in case you didn’t notice! Don’t worry, I’ll see you at school,” I laughed, though it sounded hollow, and I hung up.

I got ready for school at a sluggish pace, dreading having to go back. I would have to face Anders, he was in most of my classes. And I still didn’t want to face Karl either.

“Have a wonderful day at school, darling,” My mom kissed my forehead.

When I got into class, Anders wasn’t there. Well, he came in late anyways. Aveline was here, at least. I could talk with her, to get my mind off things.

“You look terrible, Hawke. Is everything alright?” She gave me a hard look, “Did Anders do something to you?”

I straightened up, “No, no! It’s nothing, I just slept bad last night.”

She kept watch on me throughout the rest of class. Anders never showed up, which worried me even more. Maybe I would see Karl today, so I could speak with him face to face. Even though I was dreading it.

Fortunately and unfortunately, Karl wasn’t in any of his classes. Which was understandable, he did just have a horrible experience, I would’ve stayed home too if my grades weren’t in shambles already.

But, Karl and Anders weren’t in class for the rest of the week. I spoke to Isabela, but she didn’t know anything. And Justice was out as well. I felt like something bad happened, but I had no idea. Something must have happened to one of them. I was praying that it wasn’t Anders. I was worried sick about them all, they wouldn’t answer my phone calls or texts.

On Friday, as I was leaving my mom’s car, I finally saw a ray of hope. Anders was standing out in the parking lot. He was looking down at his phone, and Justice was leaning against the car next to him, smoking a cigarette.

I ran over to them, relief clear in my eyes. I didn’t care about what happened before for a moment, I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. Anders saw me before I was even halfway across the parking lot. He watched me, elbowing Justice. Justice didn’t move, not even flinching.

Anders met me halfway, his lips pursed. He looked like a wreck, and I knew something was wrong. I was expecting the worst, but I wasn’t expecting what Anders did next. He pushed me. Pushed me hard enough to send me sprawling onto the ground.

He got on top of me, pummeling me with punches. I tried to fight back, but he was too strong.

“YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED KARL! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU FERELDEN DOG! DO YOU HEAR ME?! KARL IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” Anders screeched at me.

It wasn’t long before Justice ran over and got Anders off of me. My lip was bloody and my whole body was sore. I got up with a great effort, staring at Anders in shock.

“What. Happened?” I ground out.

Anders pushed Justice off of himself, whipping around to glare daggers at me.

“Karl, he-“ Anders’ voice broke, “He killed himself.”

My jaw dropped and my brain short-circuited, and I couldn’t breathe. Karl was…gone. He was never coming back. My friend, someone I cherished, was gone. I bitterly thought about my father for a moment, before coming back to reality.

“And do you know who he called before his last moments? The person he was looking for to bring him back from the brink? It was _YOU_! AND YOU DIDN’T ANSWER THE PHONE. YOU COULD’VE SAVED HIM. BUT ALL YOU THINK ABOUT IS YOURSELF.”

“Anders, you are attracting a crowd,” Justice murmured next to him.

My throat was dry, no words could describe how I was feeling right now. I felt broken and numb. What could I say to Anders. What could I ever say. Karl was dead, I could barely comprehend.

“I don’t care, fuck everyone here! I just lost the most important person to me,” Anders snapped back, before looking at me once again, “Now you listen closely, Garrett. I want you to leave this school. And I want you to never come back. I don’t care about you, I never did. I used you, and I felt good about it. And if you try to stay at the school, I swear to you, I will make your life a living hell for the rest of your high school days. I _promise_ you that.”

My breath caught in my throat, my eyes going wide.

“You think I’m not in pain? I just lost a fucking friend too! You can’t blame me for something you did to him, Anders! You caused this, not me! THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT,” I yelled back at him.

“Don’t you fucking _dare_ say this was my fucking fault. I want you out of here, now! If I ever see you again, I won’t show you any mercy!” Anders snarled, his fists clenched. Tears streamed down his face and his whole body was trembling something awful.

My legs threatened to give out, and I knew he was dead serious. My face and body already hurt, so I resentfully retreated. I didn’t look back, scared of what I might see.

My mom’s car was stopped ahead, apparently, she had seen everything. I ran to her, letting her envelope me in a hug.

“I think it’s time to go home, Garrett.”


	6. Chapter 4.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you skipped the last chapter, here's a little overview, though a lot is summarized in this chapter because it's Anders' view on it.
> 
> Garrett and Anders have been friends with benefits for around five months, and Hawke breaks it off because he doesn't want to be like that with Anders. Anders does some thinking and pulls Hawke aside a couple days later at school to ask him to take him back. Garrett is suspicious, but Anders softens him up by talking about his feelings. That's when Karl find them canoodling. Karl gets upset and Anders tries to go after him. Hawke realizes Anders was dating Karl as well. Hawke gets a visit from Anders, where Garrett gets angry at him. Afterwards, Hawke calls Karl to apologize. Karl says he's alright, but it is revealed he killed himself. The rest can be seen in this chapter, only in Anders' perspective! Thank you so much for reading! :D

### 

Chapter 4.5: Anders' POV

It was always the little things.

Of course, I was worried about Karl. We’ve known one another since we were in elementary school. We went to Catholic school together. I was forced to go to Catholic school by my parents. I hated it.

Karl was a perfect student, he had a perfect little family who had lots of money to support whatever he wanted to do. I was envious of him.

Karl was the only thing keeping me from running away. From school, from life, from home.

We became friends by chance. I wasn’t a very liked kid in Catholic school. Karl definitely was. So, by taking me under his wing, he kept the others from bullying me.

One reason for his downfall was his attachment to me.

We were great friends, we transferred to a public middle school together. And middle school was full of those weird hormones, where kids discovered themselves. I discovered myself as well. I knew I was attracted to men and women. More specifically, I was attracted to Karl.

When I think back, I realize that I didn’t have any romantic feelings for him. And even into my adult days, it tears me apart. Maybe if Garrett had never come around, if I hadn’t second guessed my true feelings, I could’ve fallen in love with Karl. Maybe we could’ve been happy. 

But it was the little things.

We started dating during sophomore year. It had taken me everything to ask him out, to explain how we could date. He was so understanding, so sweet. And he thought he could hide things from me.

The way he forced his smiles, when his grades began to slip. The light in his eyes slowly going out. He was bullied. We weren’t in Catholic school anymore; his family couldn’t score him friends anymore. The protector became the protected. His mom had to tell me he was depressed, and that he was going to therapy. He was too afraid to let me know himself.

I was worried, so much. But I didn’t really do anything to help. I was a bad boy in high school, not that that is any excuse. I didn’t care, I was only thinking about myself. My desires and wants.

I was greedy, I wanted more than just Karl. I wanted Garrett Hawke as well. I don’t know why, I used the excuse that I wanted to teach him a ‘lesson’ about trusting people too much. But I had weird emotions stirring up inside me, and I wanted to be with Garrett. I denied it.

So, Karl got swept up in my turmoil, my nasty lies swallowing us both up. Swallowing all of us.

I never wanted to hurt Karl, I loved him dearly. He was someone I cared about deeply, even if I didn’t feel romantic feelings towards him.

But…he slipped out of my fingers. I lost him. It’s my fault that he died, I betrayed him and used him. He trusted me, and I just…

I called him that night, and I made it so much worse. I put him in a corner. I ignored his feelings, told him that we needed a break. I remember him whispering, asking me in his tiny voice if I ever loved him. Truly loved him. And I told him no. I told him no.

His mom called me the morning after. She was sobbing, her voice cracked when she told me what happened. She could barely speak, and I could barely comprehend what she said. I dropped my phone, shattering the screen. But I didn’t even care. I had spoken to him just last night, and I told him something awful. And now I could never take it back, never apologize to him for it. 

I went to see his family almost immediately, breaking down on their porch. His mom hugged me tightly, our sobs echoing in the empty house. Karl had a baby sister, just two years old. And she would never see him again, never have him there to protect her. I shook with agony, my guilt and devastation too much for me.

And when I had found out…that the last person Karl called was Garrett, I just, I got angry. Maybe I was angry at myself, or maybe I really was angry at Garrett. Because I thought maybe if they’d spoken and Garrett could’ve calmed Karl down from the edge. And maybe I was upset Karl didn’t call me when he needed someone the most.

Justice visited it me the day after, he looked exhausted, but when he saw me, he punched me right in the face. 

“I told you that you shouldn’t be playing with people’s feelings like this. And now Karl is dead! Your boyfriend, my best friend, is gone! You’re a fool, Anders,” Justice spat at my shrinking form.

I gripped the front of Justice’s shirt, blood dribbling from my mouth. Tears welled in my eyes and I sobbed into his shirt.

“Don’t you think I know that?! I don’t want you to tell me ‘I told you so’! I want you to help me! _I don’t know what to do_!” I screamed into the fabric of his shirt.

Justice softened a bit, his hand coming to rest on top of my head, “You have to be strong, Anders. I know it hurts now. All of us are going through the same thing. We need each other more than ever now. Even Garrett,” Justice murmured.

I pushed him away instantly, glaring daggers at him through my watery eyes, “Garrett doesn’t deserve anything from us. Karl called him before he died, and he didn’t answer. I want _nothing_ to do with him! It’s his fault that Karl died!” I yelled, clenching my fists and turning away.

Justice let out an audible sigh but didn’t bring it up again.

I was projecting my own guilt onto Garrett, I knew I was even then. But I didn’t care. When I thought about a broken and crying Karl trying to call Hawke and not getting an answer, it tears me up inside.

So I let it eat away at me, until I went back to school. I thought I could restrain myself when I first saw Garrett. Part of me still felt something for him, but when I saw him run towards me, the color drained from my face.

Justice placed a firm, but gentle hand on my arm, as if to steady me.

“Do not do anything rash, he doesn’t even know what has happened,” Justice murmured.

Red tinged my vision, and when I could make out the freckles on Garrett’s face, I shook off Justice’s hand. I lunged forward, pushing him with all my strength. His mouth formed an ‘o’ and he went sprawling. He landed on his back. I pounced on top of him, throwing punches aimed at his face. Garrett tried to grab my arms, but I overpowered him easily.

I found my voice, screaming at him at the top of my lungs, “YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED KARL! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU FERELDEN DOG! DO YOU HEAR ME?! KARL IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” I shook him hard, hearing his head hit the pavement.

Justice was on me in mere moment. And of course, he was stronger, grabbing both my arms and hauling me off Hawke. I kicked out weakly, struggling against Justice.

“What. Happened?” Garrett got to his feet and looked at me in shock. Blood dripped down his chin, and his right eye was getting swollen around the edges already.

I yanked my arms away from Justice, throwing him a dirty look. My eyes were getting teary, and I just wanted to go back home.

“Karl, he-“ I swallowed hard, the words still hard to say, “He killed himself.”

Garrett looked shocked and so devastated. He looked so helpless, I just wanted to reach out and touch him. But I was also angry, so angry I still wanted to hurt him. To hurt him like he hurt Karl.

“And do you know who he called before his last moments? The person he was looking for to bring him back from the brink? It was YOU! AND YOU DIDN’T ANSWER THE PHONE. YOU COULD’VE SAVED HIM. BUT ALL YOU THINK ABOUT IS YOURSELF,” I yelled at him.

“Anders,” Justice warned, “You’re attracting a crowd.”

“I don’t care, fuck everyone here! I just lost the most important person to me,” I snapped at Justice, shaking his hand off of me, glaring at Hawke with malice, “Now you listen closely, Garrett. I want you to leave this school. And I want you to never come back. I don’t care about you, I never did. I used you, and I felt good about it. And if you try to stay at the school, I swear to you, I will make your life a living hell for the rest of your high school days. I promise you that.”

He looked like he was stuck between two big choices, agony in his eyes. And I knew it wasn’t fair, he did lose a friend as well. But I still didn’t care, not at all. His cerulean eyes were pleading as they stared at me.

“You think I’m not in pain? I just lost a fucking friend too! You can’t blame me for something you did to him, Anders! You caused this, not me! THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT,” He screeched, surprising me. Even Justice seemed taken aback.

I swallowed hard, “Don’t you fucking _dare_ say this was my fucking fault. I want you out of here, now! If I ever see you again, I won’t show you any mercy!” I knew I was shaking, even my bottom lip was trembling. All Garrett had to do was come a little closer, just reach his hand out…and it would break my resolve. I was so tired. So so tired. Tears blurred my vision. Please…just embrace me, Hawke. Just touch me…

Garrett straightened up, visibly swallowing. He gave me one hard look, one that was tinged with regret and longing, before he limped away. My shoulders sagged as I realized I was tensed up for that whole moment.

Justice’s car keys jingled, and he grabbed a hold of my arm, “I think that’s enough for today. I’ll take you home, Anders.”


	7. Chapter 5

### 

Chapter 5:

After what happened with Karl and Anders, my mom decided to move me from that school. She technically wanted to home-school me once again, but I begged her to just let me go back to a normal high school. I got through high school without a hitch when I wasn’t connected with Anders. He never texted me, nor called me. I had to ask Aveline for reports, though I eventually stopped asking.

Leandra insisted I went to therapy as well, just as a precaution. I refused her, receding into myself. I had my share of mental breakdowns over my high school career. Sometimes I cried out for Karl or Anders in my sleep. Anders was my first love, though I hated to admit it. And Karl haunted me constantly, I blamed myself for his death. If only I hadn’t fallen asleep before he called… I didn’t want to burden my family, so when I graduated, I decided to go to a college far away from them.

I used my time in college to get amazing grades, though on the side I was less than amazing. I smoked heavily, and sometimes I drank. I got a taste of fucking from Anders, and using my experience, I fucked with as many men as I could in college. Maybe I was a sex addict, but I would never admit that. I thought it was healthy. It was coping mechanism.

My only saving grace was my two roommates. Varric and Fenris. They listened to my problems and help me get over what had happened to me. Fenris swore he would kick Anders’ ass if he ever got a chance. He was trying to make me laugh, of course, but I think he was being a bit serious. Varric was the one who helped me with writing, he was majoring in creative writing, so we clicked together well.

I tried not to let my problems fail me in college. I wanted to pass, I wanted to have the best grades, so I could get a respectable job, and support my family. My mother had to go through a lot with me when I was in high school, it was only natural for me to want to return the favor somehow.

But I would never get the chance. In my senior year of college, I got an unknown call. It was from a police officer. I rushed home immediately, but I couldn’t change the fact.

The fact that my mother had died, and Bethany was in critical condition in the hospital. The police officer said it was a car crash, that some asshole pulled out in front of her. She was killed on impact, and Bethany was in the backseat unconscious, but alive.

It was almost surreal when the whole family came up to see mother before she was buried. My heart was shredded into a million pieces, I cried almost every night. It was like I was in high school again. My Uncle Gamlen wanted to take my siblings, and I had no choice but to agree. Leandra would have wanted me to finish college and get a good job. She was always so worried about me, me and my future. She looked so peaceful in the coffin, it was almost like she was asleep. I cried silently over her, gripping her soft hand.

I finished college, delving into my studies. I got a major in Professional Writing, with a minor in Drawing. Mom always told me to go after what I was passionate about, no matter what. All I wanted to do was write and draw. I always laughed bitterly, thinking about the stereotypical starving artist who could barely find a job.

I lived with Gamlen for a while, watching over my siblings with him. They were growing fast, and I was so proud of them. They had been through so much, they deserved to go to school and make lots of friends. Carver was a hot-head, he would fit in with all the boys. Bethany was a little sweet heart with a sense of fashion, she would also find her place.

I finally moved out of Gamlen’s place when I got enough money from my jobs. Now the problem was finding a job. Luckily, Varric was step ahead of me. He worked at a top publishing firm and had recommended me for a job. The CEO had liked my manuscripts and what little I had written and wanted me to write my next piece to be published by them. I was overjoyed, and I told them I could do other things as well if they needed.

My phone rang, and I groaned. I opened my eyes, glancing over at the nightstand. It was so far away, and a body was in the way.

“’Cuse me, love,” I mumbled, reaching over the sleeping form of my recent prey. The slender man rolled over and cuddled into me, blinking his brown eyes up at me sleepily.

“Don’t give me that look,” I smooched the top of his head with a slight smile, before getting up to answer the phone.

“Rise and shine, Hawke! It’s a brand-new day, your first day at work! Aren’t you excited?!” Varric hollered on the other end.

“Already? I thought it was next week,” I mumbled, scratching the back of my head and messing up my hair.

“Nope, today. Get up and get down here! The boss is expecting you soon,” Varric didn’t say anything else, just hanging up. A talent of his. Straight to the point and then gone.

“Do you really have to go?” The man, whose name I casually forgot, stretched and grinned at me, “We could go for another round.” His black hair dropped over his eyebrows.

“God, you’re very tempting, but no. I need this job, so I can keep my housing. But feel free to make yourself some breakfast before you head out. Just remember to lock the door, love,” I winked at him, before going into the bathroom to shower. I got dressed quickly and headed out. The man was munching on some toast when I left, telling me to have a good day.

He seemed like a kind and innocent guy, and I just tainted him. It felt extremely satisfying, in a way. That man probably wanted something more, but it certainly would not be coming from me. 

I lit a cigarette as I walked to my beat-up car. Gamlen’s old car, it definitely served its purpose, at least.

Blowing out smoke in the humid, stifling air, I got into the car. Thank the Maker the building wasn’t that far away. That means less traveling when heading back and forth.

The air conditioner in the car only worked on full blast, so it was either fucking hot as hell, or freezing cold after five minutes. I personally chose the cold, so I had goosebumps by the time I got to the publishing firm. The building was in downtown Kirkwall, the nicer area. There was glass all over the building, and it was rather tall.

I parked in the parking deck and went inside. The woman at the counter directed me to the 20th floor, and I was in awe. The place was very eloquent and nice. It was clean too, which was more than I could say about my apartment.

“There he is, Hawke, let me get a look at you!” Varric was right next to the reception desk on the 20th floor. He looked about the same in the few years I haven’t seen him. Though his chest hair wasn’t showing, he instead was donning a suit and tie. He actually looked professional.

I walked up to him, nervously rubbing the back of my neck.

“You definitely filled out, you been working out? You were so skinny in college, like a bean pole. I’m glad you’re eating food now,” Varric punched my arm.

“And you’re still as short as you were in college, when is your growth spurt supposed to hit again?” I teased back, smirking.

“That’s low, Hawke. I’m hurt,” Varric pressed his hand to his chest, earning a hearty laugh from me. “You at least still have that mop of hair on top of your head. Did you shave?”

“Nope, still the same old beard, maybe even a bit more hair,” I responded, wringing my hands.

“Don’t be so nervous, I feel it radiating off of you. It’s your first day. You’ll just be meeting the staff and your publishing team,” Varric elbowed me.

I nodded, letting out all my breath, I muttered, “I need a cigarette and a stiff drink already.”

Varric laughed, “That’s the spirit, I’ll call everyone to a meeting then.”

He led me back to what seemed to be the break room. A couple of people were sitting around already, and they didn’t really pay me any mind. I sighed in relief, watching Varric walk off to call the meeting. I leaned against the wall, eyeing some of the people sitting around. It was mostly women, just two sitting in the corner and one on her phone on the couch.

The intercom cracked to life and a deep voice echoed through the place, “We’re having a staff meeting in the break room, everyone join us as soon as possible, please!”

A few minutes later, a small crowd began to form, men and women of all ages huddled together whispering. I felt a bit out of place, but I forced a small smile. There was a bit more people than I was expecting.

Varric came up to the crowd, hopping onto the coffee table with ease. He probably did that a lot to address everyone. A couple people snorted.

“Everyone shut up!” Varric hollered with a laugh, “Today we are welcoming my college buddy into our work-space. He majored in Professional Writing, bless his soul!” Varric beckoned me to stand with him.

I edged my way forward, swallowing hard at all the eyes on me. I turned to look at everyone once I was up front, stifling my urge to hop on the coffee table with Varric.

“This is Garrett Hawke, everyone. Please get acquainted. I don’t want any drama or harsh feelings. He deserves his position as much as everyone else does. Dismissed!”

The crowd almost instantly dispersed, and I slouched slightly. I plopped down on the couch and leaned my head back, “Ugh.”

“I know you don’t like all eyes on you, but I wanted to make sure people didn’t think you were some stray we picked up outside by accident.”

“Are you saying I look homeless?” I challenged, but my words were empty. I grinned.

“I’m not saying anything. Why don’t you grab a protein bar and I’ll introduce you to your publishing team,” Varric hopped down from the table and winked at me.

I went over to the vending machine, settling on a chocolate bar. Once I was done, I followed Varric.

“So why isn’t the CEO showing me around?” I questioned casually.

Varric shrugged, “Probably cause I know you better. Why not have a familiar face show you around the place you’ll be working at for a while?”

I nodded in understandment, almost running into Varric when he stopped. He let out his breath, giving me a small smile.

“I’ll be honest, your team can be a bit dysfunctional, but they get the job done. So just do your best, ok?”

“Heh, you don’t make me feel any better. Thanks, Varric.” My hands trembled, so I shoved them in my pockets.

Varric opened the door to the meeting room. It looked like exactly how you expect it too. A long wooden table with a bunch of office chairs around it. Except people were sitting in them.

“That’s fucking ridiculous. I’ll have you know you sound like a bloody idiot,” One man said calmly.

“No, you’re the one who sounds like a moron! This sentence makes no sense if you move it a paragraph earlier. The reader would be totally confused!”

There was a team of about six sitting around, they each had a thick manuscript in their hands. Varric cleared his throat, and the man in the middle jumped up when he saw us.

“Thank god you’re here, Varric. I can’t take them for much longer. Can you introduce us to the new guy before I blow my brains out,” He grabbed Varric’s shoulders, shaking him dramatically.

“Says the loudest one here,” One guy mumbled.

“And he’s supposed to be the leader.”

Varric’s mouth crinkled into a smile, gesturing to me beside him, “Well here he is. Everyone shut up, so I can introduce him properly.”

Everyone turned towards me, their eyes penetrating me. I laughed a bit nervously.

“So, this is Garrett Hawke. He’s one of my old college buddies, a major in professional writing.”

The man in front stiffened up visibly, his eyes becoming huge as he stared at me with a look between bewilderment and guilt. I blinked a couple times, raising my eyebrows at him.

“Um, I have to—go get a drink of water. I’ll be back,” He mumbled, pushing past me into running down the hall.

“Well, let me introduce everyone else then,” Varric waved his hand.

“This is Merrill, she is your editor.” A small-framed woman sat, her short black hair put into a small ponytail in the back. She smiled sweetly up at me, “Hello Garrett. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Sebastian works with sales and marketing.” The man was the one who was yelling earlier with the guy who ran out. He looked quite handsome, very intriguing. He didn’t speak, he looked like he was pouting.

The others seemed pretty nice and mundane. The only person who bothered me was Meredith, who was in charge of finance and accounting. She watched me with cold, calculating eyes. It was unnerving.

“What about the guy who ran out? He looked at me like I was a ghost,” I asked Varric.

“Oh yeah, he’s the manager of your team, he makes sure everything is going as planned and such. He does a little bit of everything. His name is Frederick, but he likes to be called Anders.”

All the color drained from my face and my mind went blank. I reached out, pressing my hand against the wall to support me. I shook my head furiously, getting visions I didn’t want to think about.

“What’s wrong? Hawke?” Varric placed a gentle hand on my arm.

“You didn’t think that meeting a person…named Anders was a little suspicious? How many Anders do you know in fucking Kirkwall?!” I hissed at him, nausea washing over me.

Varric pursed his lips, clearly understanding what I was insinuating.

“Well, I…I’ve never really worked with him, I didn’t put 2-and-2 together until you said something. I mean, Maker Hawke, it’s been 5 years since we’ve spoken about him,” Varric rubbed my arm as a gesture of comfort.

I straightened up, swallowing hard, “I’m going to speak to him.”

“Wait, hold on. Why would you want to do that? From what you’ve told me, I should just have him transferred from your team. I don’t want you to get involved with him again.” Varric seemed alarmed, and I snorted.

“It’s been 10 years, you don’t think I can handle it?” I turned fully towards Varric. He looked me over with an unimpressed look. 

“Don’t answer that. I’m going anyways. I’ll let you know what I want to do before I leave,” I nodded and followed Anders path. It looked like he went into the bathroom. But as I passed the break-room, I saw his familiar golden locks. I slowed down to a stop, looking at him. He was slouched over the drink machine, his hand pressed against it.

“You cut your hair,” I stated simply, approaching him. He stiffened up, whirling around. He was a bit taller than me, but a lot skinnier. Definitely different from when we were kids. I used to be the smaller one.

His lips were pursed as he looked me up and down. I put my hands on my hips, raising my eyebrows as the silence grew.

“Cat got your tongue, _Anders_?” I growled his name out. He visibly shivered at that, glancing up at my face.

“I’m sorry, you just look…very different. I’m in a state of shock,” Anders replied carefully, biting his bottom lip.

I knew that look, _I knew that look_.

I walked forward, backing him up against the drink machine. I put my hands on either side of him, blocking any escape. I watched him steadily, keeping a small distance between our bodies. I could feel the heat radiating off him.

“Why did you run away from me? Feeling a bit of guilt from what happened last time we met?” I murmured.

Anders’ face twisted into a sort-of scowl, “Don’t you-“

I grasped my head, leaning down and pressing my forehead against his shoulder. I didn’t want to hear his excuses at all. He was the same old Anders, that was for sure. Always with his defense ready, not listening.

I pulled back after a few seconds, gauging for any sort of reaction. He definitely was speechless; his hands were pressed against the machine behind him.

I heard footsteps coming close, so I removed myself from Anders, going to sit on the couch. I crossed my legs, seeing Varric appear from the hall. He looked at Anders first, who hadn’t moved, then glared at me.

“What did you do to him? The boss doesn’t like fights to break out in the building,” He came over to me, arms crossed.

“Ah, he didn’t do—anything to me. I was just so surprised by seeing him again, it’s crazy that we both have jobs at the same place,” Anders scurried over, laughing awkwardly.

Varric frowned, he clearly wasn’t impressed with Anders now that he knew who he was. He sniffed and glanced at me for confirmation.

“He is telling the truth. What do you take me for, Varric? A maniac?”

“With what you’ve been through? Yes,” He shot back, before turning and leaving.

Anders let out a sigh, before shuffling towards me. He sat down carefully beside me, placing his hands in his lap.

I gave him a sideways glance, “Why did you defend me? You could’ve certainly turned me in for harassment in the workplace.”

“The way I treated you before, you deserve at least this much.”

We lapsed into silence once again, and I was left to stew in my own emotions. I had to admit Anders was handsome as hell, just as he was when he was in high school. But was it enough to make me want to fuck him silly? There was so much baggage and past between us.

“I guess you really did become a writer like you said you would,” Anders finally spoke, his voice airy.

“I can’t say I used to have the confidence I do now. But at least I was right about one thing,” I emphasized my last words, my gaze drilling into him.

“You were confident in some respects,” Anders responded, his eyes on the ceiling. His words had meaning behind them as well. I narrowed my eyes and looked away from him.

“Are you going to stay on my team then?” I challenged, setting my jaw.

“I wasn’t one to back down, Garrett,” He retorted with a breathless laugh.

“Yeah, you weren’t. One of your many traits I despised,” I growled out, standing. If he wasn’t going to back down, I wasn’t either. I could feel a headache forming in the back of my head, but I wasn’t going to let this get the better of me.

Anders rose to meet me, a smirk I was all too familiar with graced his face. I swallowed but didn’t give him any hints to how I was feeling. I turned around and walked down to the meeting room casually. Anders trailed behind me.

When we went back, Varric immediately got on his feet. He let Anders sit down but stopped me with a worried look.

“I hate to say this, but maybe you should go home. You already look…like a wreck,” Varric murmured, looking up at my face.

I tsk’ed, “You know me too well, Varric. I’m offended you would send me home.”

“I spent five years of my life with you, I think I can tell when you’re upset. Even if everyone else can’t see it,” He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.

“Just write down your address and phone number for the team. I would get it from the boss, but I think just getting it from you quickly works better.”

I scribbled everything down, throwing it on the table. I glanced at Anders, who was watching me intently. His smirk wasn’t there, and I caught a look of worry from him, before I turned away.

“It was nice meeting you all,” I said, my hands starting to tremble.

Varric ushered me out and took me down to the parking deck.

“I’m calling Fenris after this, I’m sending him to see you. I know how you get, and I don’t want you to be alone,” Varric waggled his fingers towards me.

“Thanks mom, but I think I’ll be alright,” I lied, forcing a smirk.

“Go home and sleep, Hawke. Everything will be ok,” Varric sighed and let out a small smile. He rubbed my arm, before heading back inside.

I went to my car silently, getting in. My throat was hurting from holding in everything wanting to burst out of me. But I couldn’t let anyone see me like that, I was a professional when I needed to be.

I drove home in a daze, I don’t even remembering getting up to my apartment. It was empty, dark and cold. As soon as I had the door closed, I slid down it and sat there. A sob ripped through my throat and I let it in the safety of my home. I put my hand over my eyes, breathing in and out deeply.

Maker, I didn’t need this right now. I had done so much, built myself up to move past everything. I had only known Anders for a semester in high school, but he had ruined my life for a while. I thought I had been careful, I pictured Anders working either somewhere out of my league or somewhere shitty. But there he was, working in the same place I was. The world was cruel, that was for sure.

Karl’s face flashed in my mind and I cried loudly, shaking my head. It was my fault, he died because of me. And now it’s coming back to haunt me, by using Anders. I wept hard, so hard that I started to feel sick.

“I still love him. Why did you do this to me?! I thought I was over him, but you thrust him back into my life,” I cried out, forsaking every god I could think of. Because apparently torturing Garrett Hawke was a national pastime where ever the gods resided.  
I grabbed the bottom of my t-shirt and smeared it across my wet face. No more tears were gonna come out.

I heard a small boof in the living room, and I realized that my dog was here. I felt more tears well up inside me. Damnit, I thought my ducts were dry. Here it comes again.

My giant mabari came sniffing in, and he noticed me sitting in front of the door. His tail immediately began wagging and he ran over. He sat down in between my spread legs, licking my face. 

“Oh Maker, Wolf,” I looked at his face, squeezing my eyes shut and letting my head fall against the door.

Wolf whined and nuzzled against me. I pet him, before burying my face in his fur. I inhaled deeply, sobbing into him.

“I still love Anders, Wolf. I don’t know what to do.”


	8. Chapter 6

### 

Chapter 6:

I didn’t know what to do when I got home, I weighed the many options I had. I could go to the bar, pick up some poor sap and fuck him silly. Or I could sit at home in my boxers and watch Netflix till I fell asleep on the couch. As I weighed my options, getting dressed after my shower, I heard the front door open and shut.

“Hawke?” Came a rumbling voice, and I knew instantly who it was. Who else had that lovely, fuckable voice?

I slid into my sweatpants and opened my bedroom door, taking in Fenris’ form. The elf was a head shorter than me, his wispy white hair sticking to his face from the rain. His green eyes were penetrating as he took me in. 

“You look like a kicked puppy,” He finally stated, dropping the bag of food he had in his hand.

“I feel like a kicked puppy,” I replied, my mood instantly going back to somber.

The shorter man stepped up to me, his calloused hands reaching up to smooth my messy hair down, before they dipped down to embrace me. He was so small compared to me, his arms barely wrapping all the way around me.

I practically crumbled in his grip, tentatively wrapping my arms around him. I held onto him for a minute, before reluctantly letting him go. “We should probably eat before the food you brought gets cold,” I mumbled, moving into the living room.

“Hawke,” Fenris repeated, following me with the food. He set it on the coffee table and sat down on the couch next to me. I turned my gaze away from him, taking a deep breath.

“I know that Anders is…a delicate topic to bring up. Varric told me what happened. I can’t believe he didn’t even think that having someone literally named the exact same thing wasn’t the same person. He’s a complete idiot sometimes,” Fenris set out the food with a delicate hand and then turned back to me.

I couldn’t even force myself to laugh at what Fenris said, shifting so I was laying curled up on the couch. My feet pressed against Fenris’ leg, I stared blankly at my TV.

“Garrett, look at me please,” Fenris said suddenly, his voice fierce. My eyes darted to his face, before I reluctantly sat up and turned to him.

His rough hands were instantly on my face, forcing me to stare into his eyes. “I know what you’re thinking right now, and I want you to stop right now. That was not your fault, it was never your fault,” Fenris said firmly.

My face crumpled at his words, tears streaming down my face. “Yes, it is, Fenris. He needed someone to talk to him, and I fell asleep. Karl died because I was too tired to stay up and make sure he was okay. If I had only-“

“Stop it!” Fenris snarled, “Garrett Hawke, you are not a murderer. You did not want that man to die, you don’t know why he called you that night. You are blaming yourself for something you had no control over.”

I couldn’t bare to look into Fenris’ eyes anymore, so I tore my eyes away. He let me go instantly, letting me curl back up. I cried silently, tears blurring my vision so much I just closed them.

“This job is not going to be good for you, Hawke. You just got into a good place in your life, I don’t want this man dredging up your past. I’ll kill him,” The elf hissed, his hand going to rub my back.

“I’ll never be in a good place, Fenris. I just thought I was happy. But I’m not! I’ll never be happy, not while Anders is around,” I sobbed, shaking my head furiously.

“Then you need to quit this job. Varric can find you another position in another firm. He has a lot of clients, knows many people. You are not ever going to be happy if you keep thinking these dark thoughts,” Fenris leaned down to look into my eyes again, his face serious. “Do you need to go to therapy? I don’t want you to struggle in silence like you did before. You worry me so much.”

“I can’t quit this job, rent is due in two weeks and Varric can’t find me a job that quick. I don’t have any money without this, I can’t live off your hospitality forever, Fen. I’m going to be fine, this was a shock, of course, but after this, I can- I can-“ I swallowed hard, “I can do my job without any problems.”

“You didn’t answer me about the therapy. I’m sure it would help, you know I went. I can recommend my therapist,” Fenris murmured, reaching out and carding his fingers through my hair.

“No,” I replied firmly, “I don’t need it, I’m fine.”

Fenris looked at me skeptically, before nodding. “Would you like to eat, then? I brought Chinese.”

~

Fenris left around 9, leaving me to my own devices. He wanted to stay with me, but I refused him. He had a job of his own, he had to get to sleep because he had work early. I couldn’t be a burden to him anymore, he had already done so much for me. So, I dressed in something decent, a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. And then I went to my favorite bar. I don’t know why I wanted to, maybe to smoke and drink my troubles away. 

When I entered the Hanged Man, the smell of alcohol and sweat hit my nose immediately. It wasn’t a big bar, nor was it the fanciest. But it was home. I’d been coming here for years, with Fenris and Varric and Aveline. We played cards here, we drank one another under the table here.

I went over to the bar immediately, seating myself in one of the old stools and smiling the bartender’s back.

“Hello love, did you miss me?” I purred, putting my chin in my palm and leaning on the counter.

“Hawke, I can’t say that I did. But I assume you’re here for a drink?” The woman flipped her black hair and turned her brown eyes towards me.

“Isabela, I’m hurt, quite frankly. And yes, a drink would be nice,” I responded with a small smile.

Her gaze went right through me though, and she narrowed her eyes. Isabela poured me a glass of whisky but held it above my head.

“You’ve been crying,” She said bluntly, eyebrows raised.

I reached for the glass, before sighing. “Yes, maybe I was. But I’m fine now, just let me drink in peace.”

“You are not fine, I can see it in your eyes. What happened?” She prodded, setting my glass down in front of me.

“Well, it’s about-“

Isabela, usually very precise and graceful, dropped a glass she was cleaning. My eyes widened, and I glanced up at her. She was staring at the door, her eyes wide as well. She looked absolutely shocked and even terrified?

She swiveled her whole body towards the alcohol on the wall behind her, shaking her head and pretending like she was doing something. I raised my eyebrows, before taking a sip of my whiskey. I could hear her whispering, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Bartender, can I get some whiskey on ice please. I feel completely fucked right now,” A man seated himself a few stools away from me, and I snorted at his wording.

“I’m sure many people wouldn’t mind helping you with the fucked part. Including me,” I retorted with a flirtatious grin, aiming it at him.

As my blue eyes took him in, I drew in a sharp breath, color draining from my face. My smile turned downwards into a frown. Anders glanced up at me, color appearing in his cheeks. 

Isabela slammed down Anders drink, trying to avoid looking at him. But he caught her face and he frowned.

“Isabela is that…you?” Anders questioned, his eyes squinting as he looked at her bowed face.

“Anders! I…uh, didn’t know you were back in town. I haven’t seen you since…since…” she trailed off, opening and closing her mouth.

“High school,” I finished for her, glaring at Anders.

Isabela was good friends with Karl, Justice, and Anders in high school. But it broke her when Karl died. She blamed Anders for all of it, and as she told me when she sought me out, ‘picked my side, because it wasn’t fair the way Anders treated me or Karl’. I downed the whiskey I had and asked for another, giving Bela a sympathetic look. 

“Maybe I should go, I don’t want to make things awkward,” Anders said suddenly, standing.

I raised my eyebrows, “Backing down from a challenge already? Why don’t you stay for a drink or two?” 

“Hawke!” Isabela hissed at me, before slinking away from us to deal with another customer. She made sure she had him sit on the other end of the bar, so she didn’t have to deal with Anders and probably not me either. Anders’ narrowed his eyes, but he slowly seated himself again. He took a swig of his drink, setting the glass down with a thud.

“I didn’t know you still came here,” Anders finally stated nonchalantly.

“Well just because you came once or twice doesn’t make it automatically yours,” I responded tartly, pulling a cigarette out of my pocket and lighting it.

While I puffed on it, blowing out smoke, Anders was sitting silently. Only the occasional tinkling of his glass made me aware he was still sitting there.

“Need more to drink, Hawke?” Isabela came back down after the guy had quickly left. Probably didn’t like being in a long conversation with Bela. She usually didn’t speak with customers much.

“Yes,” I said with a long drag of my cigarette. I automatically handed her one as well, knowing she would want one. She snatched it out of my hand while pouring more whiskey in my glass. I pulled out my lighter and lit it for her.

“I’m glad you don’t get the cheap cigs, Hawke. Mine are just not as good,” She told me.

I rubbed mine out in the ashtray next to me, blowing out a cloud of smoke towards Isabela with a strained smile. Anders was not supposed to come here tonight, there was supposed to be some cute guy who I didn’t have any baggage with.

“So, Hawke. What have you been up to these past six years? I suppose a lot has happened?”

I clenched my fist around my glass, turning my head to look at Anders once again. He was watching me evenly, his rim of his glass halfway in his mouth. He raised his eyebrows and took a huge swallow of his alcohol.

“I went to college, got a degree. And now Varric got me this job,” I paused, “Why do you care?”

“We used to be friends, is it not alright for me to catch up?”

“No, it really isn’t,” I growled, his words ruffling my feathers. I turned fully towards him, pretty much towering over him. He used to be taller than me, and it was kind of hot. But now he was just a few inches shorter and he probably weighed almost the same as he did. Even now he was gangly.

“Well, if you have a problem, spit it out. I’d like to hear what you have to say,” The blonde’s face was emotionless, but I could tell I touched a nerve with him as well. We weren’t even trying to dance around each other; the tension was thick in the air. 

“Alright boys. I’m sorry, but if you’re going to have another one of your squabbles, I would recommend heading outside. I’m not in the mood to relive high school,” Isabela planted her torso in between us, looking between us. She plucked our drinks from us.

Anders looked like he wanted to say something, but Bela’s dead serious look made him reconsider. He stood up, rigid as a board, and made his way to the exit. Me, wanting to say a couple things to the man, got up as well. Isabela reached for me instantly, stopping me in my tracks.

“You don’t have to follow him, Gare. Just stay with me and let’s drink together,” Her eyes were pleading, but she and I both knew that she couldn’t stop me. There was so much anger, so many unanswered questions that I had to talk with him about.  
I gently put my hand over hers, before I moved it away. I followed Anders to the entrance, going out the door behind him.

“I cannot believe you,” I spat when we were outside. “You know that the Hanged Man was my favorite spot, how dare you show your face here.”

“You don’t own the place, and that I came to this bar specifically has nothing to do with you. I want nothing to do with you, Hawke.”

My upper lip curled back as I turned to face him, taking him in once again. “I absolutely hate you, Anders. You did so many things to me, to him! You don’t have the right to even speak to me.”

“You aren’t that special. Karl was special, and he deserved better. But I didn’t do anything to you. Whatever happen was of your own volition,” Anders hissed back at me.

“Oh, so cheating on Karl with me was nothing? Right, I guess getting fucked by me was terrible. Or what about all that shit you told me? What did you say again? ‘I thought getting serious with someone was stupid, but now I see I was wrong’. Yeah, why didn’t you tell Karl that then?”

Anders eyes lit up, his fiery ones meeting my stormy eyes. He reached out, grabbing a fistful of my shirt and pushing me back. He wasn’t very strong, but it caught me off guard. I hit the brick wall with my back, knocking the breath out of me. Anders moved in close, and I could smell the alcohol on his breath as he stared me down hard.

“You don’t get to talk about what could have been. You don’t even get to speak his fucking name. It’s your fault he fucking died, Garrett. Don’t speak to me about my own damn feelings, because I had none for you,” He snarled in my face.

Feeling like I had just been struck, I stared at him. I opened my mouth and closed it. I didn’t realize I was crying until I could feel tears streaming down my face. I furiously wiped them away with my fist, not wanting him to see me cry. It was pathetic.

I was going to say something back, anything. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to clear the haze from my brain. I didn’t even get time to open them, before I felt something I hadn’t felt in years. Anders’ lips on mine, his body pressed against mine. My whole form went rigid and my eyes flew open. My hands reflexively went to the blonde’s hips, my fingers going under his shirt.

When he pulled away, he looked bewildered. But his eyes were smoldering. “Let’s go,” He muttered gruffly, shuffling back a few paces.

“What?”

“We’re leaving,” Anders said more firmly.

A pleasurable shiver went down my spine, and I hated myself for it.

“Where are we going?” I asked, moving forward a bit to stand beside him.

“My place, right now. C’mon,” He grabbed my wrist and began to walk, not even waiting for a response.

By now, every alarm known to man was blaring in my head. Sure, I still had feelings for Anders. Ones that I wasn’t really sure about. But that didn’t mean I wanted too….

I obediently followed him, my brain screaming at me to stop. I pushed all my thoughts to the back of my mind and just chased after the man who hated my very existence. We walked down the street in tense silence, it was only a five-minute walk before Anders stopped and pulled out a set of keys. I turned and looked at where we were. In front of us was a house wedged in between two other houses. There was a small alley on either side. The house looked rather decent, but not as nice as the others.

Anders went up the couple stairs and unlocked the door. He beckoned me inside and I followed without a word. Once we were inside, I heard his keys hit wood and then he was on me again. My whole body hit the door behind me, the knob digging into my back. I groaned into Anders’ mouth, my body practically melted at his touch.

I returned the kiss, our tongues meeting and my hands reaching up to rub his back, and down to his ass. He gasped into my mouth, letting out a small growl. He bit my bottom lip, and I opened my eyes for a moment. I could barely see anything in the pitch black, but I could make out Anders’ opened eyes, glaring into mine.

I surged forward, pushing him back into a separate room where light was pouring in. The streetlight outside illuminated the room. It was his living room, and it had books everywhere. There was a clean couch, and a chair covered in papers. Practically dragging Anders, I threw him on the couch.

“Undress, now,” I snapped out, getting a bit sick of his attitude towards me. I wasn’t used to my bottoms not liking me, so this was a bit new. But seeing Anders lay on that couch, definitely made my dick swell.

He hissed at me, before he began to remove his button-up shirt. I did the same, slipping my t-shirt over my head and tossing at the chair with papers all over it. I unbuttoned my jeans and shimmied out of them as well as my boxers. When I turned my eyes back to Anders, he was in the middle of removing his pants, but he was staring me down, his eyes wandering over my body. I raised my eyebrows and smirked.

“Looks like you like what you see, love,” I purred out in smug satisfaction.

Startled, he looked up at me. “Don’t call me that,” He spat back.

I licked my lips and kept my eyes on him, “I know you like it. You always had a thing for buff men. I really filled out from being a scrawny, short nobody. But you…haven’t changed.”

“Are you gonna fuck me or not?” Anders retorted, finally out of his pants and up on his elbows to glare at me.

“Get up,” I barked, watching as he did as he was told. I faced him with a smirk, grabbing his chin and moving it back and forth. “You’re so obedient, Anders. What’s wrong, cat got your tongue? This isn’t the Anders I remember.”

“I can give you the old Anders, but I don’t think you’d like it very much,” He responded, voice menacing. It sent a shiver down my spine and straight to my dick.

“Maybe later,” I said nonchalantly, sitting my ass down on the couch and leaning back with a smirk.

“You called me here, so why don’t you be a good boy and ride me,” I hummed with a chuckle.

Anders stared me down hard, his lip curling back in a snarl. He didn’t speak though, only looking me over with a conflicted expression. I let out a small laugh, startling him. Anders set his jaw, but blush set in his cheeks, noticeable by the lamp light coming in from the street.

From this angle, Anders looked like a god. His golden hair wasn’t as long, put back in a small bun. It looked like it would only go down to his shoulders. I patted my bare legs, before I stroked myself once with raised eyebrows directed at Anders.  
His eyes were half-lidded as he stared at my leaking cock, and he whimpered. He resolve was clearly melting, and I felt satisfaction at that. He wasn’t tough shit, it was an act just like it was in high school. Others might be fooled, but I’ve fucked this man more than I could count. I know his ticks.

After a moment longer, Anders moved closer. He gripped my shoulders, eyes looking anywhere but my face. I leaned forward and whispered encouragement in his ear as he sank onto my shaft. I reached around and pulled his hair free of its tie. I gently pulled on it, so Anders was looking up at me, pressing a couple kisses onto his lips.

“Such a good boy,” I whispered against his skin, nibbling on his earlobe. 

“Fuck, I can’t-“ He let out an irritated noise in the back of his throat and I knew what he was going to do. I let out a groan as he sank down on me fully. My hands flew to his hips, gripping them tightly.

“Still impatient, love?” I let out an airy laugh, bucking my hips against his unmoving ones.

With a grunt, Anders began to move. He seemed more experienced than when we were in high school. And I was definitely more experienced as well. One of my hands moved from his hip to his cock, wrapping my hand around it and stroking it languidly. Anders braced himself against the back of the couch, breathing heavily as he took me in and out. 

“Fuck you’re so hot. Do you like taking my cock, Anders? How does it feel to be fucked by me again? Did you miss it? Do you get off on letting me boss you around?” I growled, grabbing his chin and forcing him to kiss me.

“Fuck you,” Anders spat at me when he pulled away from my lips. His whole face was red, but his eyes were blazing. I chuckled and angled my hips in a way that I knew would silence him again. His breath hitched, and he moaned. His back arched, and I smoothed one of my hands up his side. I tweaked at his nipple, grinning smugly at his reactions. He was certainly an obedient bottom, maybe that was his kink. 

“Don’t be like that, love. I’m only trying to-“ I paused at a particularly nice thrust, “please you.”

We were both so already worked up, there was no way we were going to last very long in the first place. Maybe I was taking out my feelings on Anders body, and he me. But damn if it didn’t feel so good, so right. His body fit perfectly against mine, his skin soft just like it was before. His thighs squeezing mine tightly as he rode me hard. Even if he hated me, Anders wanted this. In my drunken haze, I could barely see straight. I pulled his face towards mine and kissed him again, lavishing in the feeling. 

“H-Hawke. Maker, I’m not going to be able to hold on,” Anders panted against my lips, thighs quivering against mine. I kissed down his jaw and nibbled at his neck. Teasing his cock with my hand to push him closer to the edge.

“Then come, love. I know you want too. I’m going to fuck you silly for the rest of the night,” I whispered against his skin, licking the spot where I bit on his neck.

Anders let out a strangled moan, and I felt him come against my chest and in my hand. I licked my lips and thrust into him deeply, earning a cry from him. His face, just watching him ride out his high, I let out a groan and came inside him. I reached behind him and grabbed his ass, shuddering against him. 

Anders laid against my body, fingers tangling in my hair. I ran my hand over his slender back with a hum.

“Why don’t we go to your bedroom. I’m not finish with you,” I murmured, pressing a kiss to his neck again.

Anders pulled back, his eyes filled with lust at my words. I could see his dick was already hardening once again. I grinned up at him and raised my eyebrows.

“You first, I love watching you from behind. You’ve got a great ass,” I quipped, sticking out my tongue.

Anders scoffed and stood up. With a glance back at me, he began to walk towards what I assumed was the bedrooms.

“Don’t get cocky,” Anders told me before disappearing down the hallway.

I rolled my eyes, cracking my knuckles. I was going to tame this man, the spiteful fucker.


End file.
